blind date » david dobrik

eighteen » comparison

"now and then i think of all the times you screwed me over
but had me believing it was always something that i'd done
but i don't wanna live that way
reading into every word you say
you said that you could let it go and i wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know"

David and I went very downhill after his birthday. It was one fight after another. He didn't like the way I dressed, he thought I shouldn't "flirt" with his friends so much, he complained about how I never wanted to be on camera, and the list went on. I couldn't do anything without stepping on David's toes. If I was too loud, I was bothering him and if I was too quiet, I wasn't helping him enough. He would get mad at me for doing his dishes. He would yell at me for asking about his wellbeing because I was too clingy. He'd get mad at me for leaving when I'd finally had enough of him yelling at me. He turned everything into an argument.

I kind of understood it and dealt with it at first. He worked all the time, barely slept and barely ate. He had the right to be a bit cranky. It got to be too much about two weeks after it first started, when I realized it was never going to end. We were sitting on his couch, watching a movie, when he first started complaining about being bored. I told him he didn't have to watch it and he could do whatever he wanted. His response?

"You'll get mad if I don't watch it."

He said that about everything. He constantly made himself the victim and me the bad guy, acting like I was the one who was constantly angry. Maybe that was true. Maybe I was constantly angry, but it was because he was constantly angry too.

"No, I won't," I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. The fact that he'd even said that already annoyed me.

"You're already mad!" he threw his arms up in exhaustion and I sat up straight, taking my legs off of his lap.

"I'm mad because you think I'm mad all the time, not because you don't want to watch the fucking movie, David."

"Okay, Charlie, I can definitely tell that you aren't mad."

That was the last straw. I had held in my true feelings for two whole weeks, a difficult feat when spending every single day with the person you're angry at. I finally said what was in my heart. "David, I will never be her."

"What are you talking about?" he groaned and I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Every single thing I do you compare to Liza. Liza wasn't so clingy, Liza gave you space, Liza wanted to be in your videos. Even if you don't say it out loud, that's what you think every single time you yell at me for something stupid. I'm my own person. I do things my own way. I am not Liza and Liza is not me. You aren't still in a relationship with Liza. I'll never be fucking her."

"I never asked you to be her!" he yelled back and I stood, feeling the spirits of my ancestors fill me in order to take down David Dobrik. I didn't doubt that he thought he never asked me to, but what he didn't understand is that his words and actions spoke for him. "When have I ever said you aren't doing this like Liza would? When? I have never said that."

"You don't have to say it! You don't have to say it for me to know, David! You have fought with me for weeks about the dumbest shit because I'm not doing things the way Liza would do them. I'm sorry I'm not her, but this relationship is not going to work if you're wishing that I was."

"You're literally a psychopath," he laughed, only making me more angry.

I stood, snatching my phone off his coffee table to tell him, "I'm leaving."

"No, you're not," he followed after me, walking a little bit faster than me and slamming the door the second I tried to open it. "You can't leave mad."