derek's poems

mission report: compromised

I'm trying so fucking hard

To be who I want myself to be

But also I have to pretend

That I am what you're expecting of me

I would be an amazing actor, you know

I have tons of experience just from everyday life

When I lie and say I'm just tired but truly

I'm tired, I'm empty, I'm angry and I'm screaming inside

I feel so angry because I'm feeling absolutely nothing

I feel so tired because I can't sleep anymore

My head, it never ever stops the shouting

So I open up my mouth and the song that comes out

Has probably been shouted so loud a few times before

I'm trying my best at school

Well as hard as I possibly can with all of this noise

I'm easily distracted and I talk too much

But that's so I can tune out the voice

Inside that tells me terrible things

Like how I'm stupid, worthless, and I'll never be a man

All my friends are liars, they just stay for my jokes

I'd love to prove the voice wrong, but I can't

I feel so dumb because I can't take a hint

I feel so worthless because you've told me so many times that I am

I feel so useless because I can't do simple things

Like shutting my mouth, no one cares anyhow

I'd love to prove everyone wrong but I just can't 

I'm drowning in the dark deep blue of an ocean

My heads swimming in the twilight zone

Every once in a while a spark comes along

But the darkness swallows them up, and then I'm alone

I have nightmares about all my friends dying

And then when I wake up everyone is gone

I open my mouth, and what I shout so loud

Is a sorry excuse for a song