derek's poems

(un)comfortable

im comfortably uncomfortable

im not really living but somehow i survive

im damaged and incapable

of feeling anything but dread inside

i feel myself dissociating

sitting here, wishing, waiting

for my body to unfrost

i could force myself to feel again

but that comes with too great a cost

im painfully numb from the neck up

and my brain is going far too fast

im staring at a wall, waiting to call

my attempts were all half assed

i feel myself dissociating

sitting here, wishing, waiting

for my body to unfrost

i could force myself to feel again

but that comes with too great a cost

sometimes

the dissociation feels nice

because it's all ive ever really known

turn off the lights

and im running out of time

to find myself and find a place to call my home

i stare at my ceiling fan

spinning round and round again

i just don't know what to do

when all i really want is you

i feel myself dissociating

sitting here, wishing, waiting

for my body to unfrost

i could force myself to feel again

but that comes with too great a cost

i can't force myself to feel again

because that means that i have lost

lost the only thing ive ever been proud of

so for now i guess ill keep on staring

the tv downstairs will keep on blaring

forcing me back into my room to hide

so ill say goodbye to everyone outside