Fuzzy thoughts

Oh, when Im drunk.

*2ds pov*

     "Toochiiiii!" Noodles voice rang through my broken door, waking me up from my.....dreaming? I had been thinking about me and Murdoc's relation. He didn't say anything after that, he, just got in the car and we didn't speak of the kiss.... the mark he left on my collarbone. Are we dating? Or just benefits?

     Noodle crawled over to me on the bed and started to shake me" pizza spirit got breakfast ready, come on!" She dragged me out of my comfy position. It's been 3 days since then, all he's been doing is making music. We all hear it, some sounds good, others I wish I never heard before. I sat down at the table mixing the contents in our slightly chipped bowls. Murdoc finally confronted all of us about the new album. Noodle has been working with murdoc...sometimes, she's stil angry. But when she isn't she's with Russel helping him, then murdoc will walk into the room yelling at how awful that sounds. Me? All that murdoc did was through my old notebook at me. I took the tiny black worn notebook out my back pocket, it has gone through so much. I thought I lost it. So glad I didn't! Ever since he gave it to me I've been writing little rifts in it, blurting little lyrics that match..... every time I come out of my room, frustrated and annoyed with how awful it sounds, murdoc always gives me his little smirk ands says, 'sounds great. Keep it up!' Then walks away......... WHAT THE HELL! What am I supposed to do with that!! I banged my head against the table, everyone looking at me in amazement and confusion.

     I stared back, shit. I stood up, walked my full bowl over to the sink," Im going for a walk, I won't be long." I put on my boots and grabbed my coat. I walked out, pencil in hand and notebook in the other.

     I started to mumble random words, all of them filled with confusion and anger. Nuttin sounds good! You would've hit me back then!! My anger slowly faded to depression, thinking to the old days, when we would always be drunk and smoking. You would've say these weird things, sayin' go into your Winnebago, 'try the sheets' always got me to squirm, almost took that offer, but I would always end up saying no, then you would get angry, I would try to save myself, but I......

     "Oh, when I'm drunk.....I'm spirited back" that was the only time I could get close to you...."I fall in fire..."then you would turn, an in instant" then I save myself" not really saving, just surviving.....what next..."then I get advantage....'cause the feeling so raw" I always remembered those times when we would be drunk, seeing the sincere smile of yours, but you never remembered..... almost like you didn't want to.....I need to change some lyrics, he can't know I feel like this.... just like every song, I change the lyrics so they don't know what's behind the words.....tears started to fall, 'ave been cryin... a lot lately......

     I decided to start to head back, I have been walking for a long time, surprising, felt like 10 seconds.
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I walked into the still air. The beats of a drum and strums of an acoustic guitar. No bass? I walked past the noisy room, entering my own. I closed the creaky door, then getting slammed against it.

Panic arose in my skin heart. I couldn't see, there was a hand covering my eyes, another hand keeping my arms at bay over my head. I felt so helpless, weak....no one could love me....

"Don't panic deary, it's just me" a scratchy voice was right next to my ear, I smelled alcohol from it.

"M-murdoc?" My voice sounded relax but I was crumbling on the inside,"what are you...you doing" I manage to choke out, the panic was coming to the surface.

All of a sudden, I heard a sigh, then the grip on my arms and face left. I took in a big breath, relieved.

"What....." I couldn't keep my sentence going..... the look in his eyes......is he angry? No, his eyes say hunger....He grabbed my notebook which had fallen on the ground in all the commotion.

"Oh when I'm drunk?" His voice slithered through the words making them sound like trash bearing down on me," what is this crap?" I knew it.."Come on!" I woke from my day dream, he was sitting down on my bed, patting a spot, a smile on his face. What was with the attitude back then......how long can he keep that fake smile? I hesitantly sat down.

He picked my keyboard off the floor and handed it to me"make a melody that would mix with that" I looked in bewilderment.

"I...I haven't gotten... thought of that y—"

"Now!" He demanded. It was hard, really hard, I played random chords hoping it would convince him it could be a song... but I knew it couldn't.... it needed more" that's enough, let's just work on another song....." he got up and walked out the door, I sat patiently, like a obedient dog I am.

He returned shortly with his red bass, closing the door and locking it behind him. He sat down then started to play a few lines that I remembered.... wait...... I let him start it over, then started to play a little melody on the keyboard,

"Oh, when I'm drunk. I'm spirited back. Fall into fire then save myself. Then I get advantage cause the feelin So raw" I looked at murdoc, smiling. He was staring. "S-sorry. I...I didnt have any oth—" Murdoc pounced on me, not even giving a warning, his mouth was on mine, inside mine. WHAT! I pushed him away, wiping my mouth, I could feel the heat in my face rising higher.

"What was that?" Murdoc asked, wiping his furious face.

"Shouldn't I be saying that!!" I snapped right back at him.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" His voice raised" you're mine! I can do that when ever I want!" He crossed his arms still frowning, I was still confused, and now a little scared. He must have noticed and sighed" Listen, when I gave you that hickey, that was basically me asking if you want to be my boyfriend got that?" I touched the spot, and nodded my head, blushing even more. He scooted closer to me and started to pay my head. He then picked me up and moved me so we were laying back against the bed board and snuggling into each other. I wrapped my arms around his chest, he slunged one arm around my neck.

I smiled. So warm.... I have never felt safer, funny to think that it was the man who made me feel unsafe, that makes me feel safe now.

I don't know when, but I dozed off. Falling asleep, getting a good sleep for once.
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Yes they are dating now.