The Acrimony Anomaly [Naruto Fanfic]

I'm too Old for this Shit

     When Madara died, he had regrets, so many that he couldn't even count. That maybe he should've put some faith into Konoha and Hashirama. To have maybe not turned to darkness and infect Nagato and Obito. Of course, he couldn't help but question whether his actions were right. Was it really worth waiting for many years in misery and darkness?
     When he had death, the Uchiha has accepted it with open arms. It was too late to turn back anyways. There was still that aching feeling in his chest that he hadn't felt since Izuna's death.
So... I'm dead, huh? Maybe I'll see my brothers now.
     "Madara Uchiha, you've made many mistakes and it's about time you've fixed them."
     Huh? What do you mean? I'm already dead. There's nothing you can do now. If there was, I would've done something.
     "You will be reborn, reincarnated. I've seen many different timelines of this, and it's about time something has been done. The Council has decided this."
     Council? I will be reborn? What about Obito reanimating me?
     "Figure our what to do beforehand, otherwise this whole thing is botched. You have been having doubts."
     I am Madara Uchiha. I don't fail.
     "We'll see about that."
     A bright light suddenly blinded the eternal mangekyo user. There was heat, warm yet subtle. It felt so imprisoning to the point where he could hardly move. Where... Where am I?
     Suddenly, the onyx eyed man could feel the walls around him convulsing, moving, and pushing the man toward something.
     Something, or should he say someone moved next to him, leaving the oven-like place.
     Somewhere outside, a woman's voice was heard and there was a baby crying. An obnoxious sound that should've never been created.
     The words faintly heard were,"It's a boy!"
      Next thing the rinnegan user knew was that he was being brought out of the safe haven he was in. When Madara popped out, he heard the woman gush,"It's a girl, Fugaku, look!"
No. I am a man, woman. Fear me because I am Madara Uchiha. There is no way I am a weak, pathetic girl.
     He was literally glaring at Mikoto with eyes with pure denial. You would fear me if I had my Sharingan swirl to life right now.
     Not one single ounce of putrid crying came from the girl. Only narrowed eyes directed at his new mother. He then looked down in surprise. Dear Kami, where the hell did my dick go?
     It was now confirmed that he was a girl and that the other newborn that couldn't stop crying its ass off was her new twin. I swear to fucking God, if I am named after some stupid flower-!
     "Tsubaki," the Uchiha woman murmured softly,"Her name will be Tsubaki."
Jesus fucking Christ. Of all the things, woman, you named me after a flower... A goddamned flower! How will people tremble at the name of Madara when they see me?!
     Fugaku could only stare in disappointment at this. He now had a female child, one that would never be able to use a Sharingan. She was practically and utterly useless except for a bargaining chip, in his mind.
At least I'm born into the Uchiha clan. I will probably still have Sharingan then. I've been through a lot of life and death situations and had... Izuna die, so I should have my Mangekyo already unlocked.
     Itachi stared at his new imouto. She wasn't crying... That usually wasn't a good sign. Sasuke on the other hand was bawling his eyes out and acted like a completely normal Uchiha infant.
     However, his younger sister was analyzing everything, taking in each and every detail and finally landing his eyes on Itachi. Hmm... He doesn't seem all too bad and isn't crying like a baby or totally glaring at me either. I'll take him.
     Madara didn't know what to do either. He wouldn't cry because a huge blow to his ego would occur, because why would a war-torn shinobi cry from nothing? Wait, I'm a she now... This will take a while to get used to.
     She instead smiled and giggled at the boy and tried not to snarl in disgust afterwards. Being a girl is already so taxing. Why wasn't I born a man?
     Her twin was still crying and finally, using all of her strength, Tsubaki had smacked him right on the cheek. Shut up. You're weak. Stop crying already you childish brat.
     Mikoto has laughed at this,"They're getting along so well."
What wrong with you, woman? Clearly I was trying to smack some sense into your son, so stop twisting things around with your words.
     "She isn't crying," the Weasel stated,"Something is wrong."
     The old shinobi was panicking. He hadn't even been there a fucking minute but he was obviously messing something up. His cover could've be blown any second. No. This is for the sake of what Hashirama saw in me, even if he was a damn Senju.
     And the Madara Uchiha cried,  wailing out like a banshee. Is it working?
     Her new Otou-san grimaced and snapped,"Shut her up, she's being too loud."
Sexist piece of shit-! Oh wait, I am sexist. However, since I am now a female, Uchiha females are now superior to men! Take that, fucking shit for a father!
     She stopped and gave the sperm donor the signature Uchiha smirk. You are just a lowly sperm donor of my mother. Bow to me.
     "You're going to like it here in Konoha, Tsubaki-chan, Sasuke-kun," Mother warmly whispered as she cradled us.
No shit. I founded this village and created the name by looking through a hole in a goddamn leaf. I should enjoy what those Senjus had left and destroy- I mean play with it.
     Looking around closer, Mada-Tsubaki could finally smell all the chemicals and look around the hospital. Things sure have advanced since my time. I guess it's a good thing.
     Itachi sighed,"I'm glad that Senju-sama had explicit directions laid out on how to deliver a baby since all the staff were busy."
Never mind that last comment then... Then who the hell delivered this supposed-to-be-deadass Uchiha? ... The world may never know.
     ... I guess old habits don't die, goddamn Senjus and their kindness. Hashirama... Damn you. I didn't ask to be reborn.

     I'm too old for this shit.