The Acrimony Anomaly [Naruto Fanfic]

Drama

    "Ho, ho, ho, " Tsubaki laughed haughtily while walking around town with Gaara.

     She was now dressed in a red Chinese Qipao with golden embroidery and had a white, fluffy, fur scarf hanging off of her shoulders. A red fan with black lace trimming was held up to her face to the point where the average person could only see her eyes.

     If anyone had seen her, they would've thought that she was a typical, drama villainess, not to mention the rich girl vibes.

     Gaara, on the other hand, was no longer wearing the bunny suit but rather a sleek, black suit and tie. It was absolutely the best, even more so since Gaara is drool-worthy.

     However, when it came to Hashirama, he was lagging behind due to the amount of things that Tsubaki had spent on the shopping spree. It was just bags on top of bags and the worst part was... it still didn't even make a scratch at the money that she had.

     "Hurry up, " Tsubaki snapped at him coldly, "We don't have all day."

     Tears slipped from Hashirama's eyes as he sent puppy-dog eyes, "Tsubaki~!"

     "If you want to complain so much, use your twigs."

     He sagged in defeat and remained in his duty of being the baggage carrier. At first, he didn't mind her spending a little bit the first day, but the next thing he knew, she was blowing through the money on lavish fashion items the next few days. He had the sneaking suspicion that it was supposed to impress Gaara or something but it wasn't like she'd admit it.

     Then, the trio stopped at a crossroad in the walking path, the streetlight flickering ahead.

    "Is that you, Tsubaki-chan, dattebayo?"

    "Heyo, " she grinned, "Fancy meeting you here."

    Naruto looked at her up and down with an incredulous expression. "What are you doing here? Jii-chan didn't say anything about that."

     "Ruining people's livelihoods, ya know, " she answered nonchalantly with the shrug of her shoulders, "The usual."

     "You look..." he trailed off, eyes looking at the ground as though it could stop his incoming blush, "different."

     "Yes, " she nodded sagely, "I mean, I did spend over 10 million Ryo... but who's counting? ... You want a million?"

     "Wha- Tsubaki-chan, where did you get all that money, dattebayo!?"

    "I told you earlier."

     Jiraiya then appeared out of nowhere, flabbergasted that he saw the three of them there. "I didn't get this in the mission details..."

    "Ero-sennin!" Naruto exclaimed, "Did you find her yet?"

     As soon as Naruto asked that question, Hashirama shivered slightly. Slowly, he shrinked away with the bags, suddenly feeling enough energy to sprint off to their hotel room with all the luggage. "Ha-ha..."

     She looked to 'Genma' with a sigh, "This is your problem, not mine. I'm tired of dealing with your messes."

     "What's he going on about?" the orange-clad boy asked curiously, scrutinizing 'Genma' with a harsh look, "I know he's the Shodaime but can really be such a klutz?"

     "That's what I'd like to know too."

     In the midst of their talking, a loud, female voice yelled at them, "I was looking for you three! How dare you run away and avoid me for all this time!"

     The reincarnated Senju looked like he was about to take off again, but surprisingly Gaara held him back by his collar with sand. 

     Tsubaki whistled as she didn't know that the red-head actually had it in him.

     "Why are you doing this to me?" Hashirama whined to his Suna friend, eyes teary from the betrayal.

     "It was getting annoying, " was all that he stated, short and sweet.

     "I have to agree on this one, " Tsubaki muttered, holding her head in her hand, "You dragging us around to avoid her has been getting on my nerves."

     Yes, as soon as Hashirama's loose lips uttered fatal words about the Shodaime, he had looked to his companions for help. However, he found that they weren't going to help him but he wasn't going to just sit around. The next thing Gaara and Tsubaki knew, they were being pulled out the door to escape an angry Tsunade.

     Jiraiya's eyebrows arched. "What did the kid do to get on your nerves?"

     The angry woman punched the wall next to her to relieve her anger, causing a crater and multiple cracks in the solid concrete. "He practically said that he was my Grandfather."

      Gaara, without missing a beat, placed Hashirama in front of his fuming granddaughter.

     "P-please forgive me!" he cried, bowing his head on the ground to her, "I'm an idiot! Don't kill me! I don't want my brother to mock me as soon as I die again. He'll be lounging on a lawn chair, sipping some 7up and vodka and reading a magazine. Then he'll look up, push back his shades, and smirk. He'll say, "Hmph, you've lasted longer than I thought you would have. However, to only last until your teens..." Then he'll want to whip me in shape even though I'm dead!"

     Taking in all the details, Tsubaki nodded along accordingly to Hashirama's harrowing story. "Hmm... Seems about right... But you can't forget your wife."

     He paled significantly more and howled, "Spare me! I don't want to deal with her now! Just give me some time and she'll be settling in at the Afterlife's Bingo Society! Maybe a couple decades at the least!"

     "Huh, they got gambling?" the Uchiha female questioned right away, this was all new information to her.

     "N-no, there-"

     She cut him off, "Tut-tut, no gambling, then I might as well go to Hell. I can feel that they play hardcore rounds of poker."

     Tsunade cleared her throat, a bit ticked off that she was now being ignored.

     Hashirama, finally noticing this, returned back to his pleads.

     Turning back to Gaara, she whispered into his ear, "Hey, I think I missed my chance to scream 'courting death!' I have to do it, it's a classic, but that Senju that has the idiot groveling before her is in the perfect position to say it! Ah... If only..."

      "Explain to me, " Tsunade Senju demanded, "Everything."

     "You... You believe me?" he asked timidly, voice cracking.

     "... As strange as it sounds, I do, " she answered with the shake of her head, as though she couldn't believe it all herself, "My Uncle would do all of that, but I believe that you missed a part."

     "Y-yes?"

     "Wouldn't Madara Uchiha, your rival, be the first one to mock you?"

     Tsubaki laughed and wiped a tear that came from her eye. She gave her answer as clear as she could. 

     "I have no doubt in my mind that he would be."