The Acrimony Anomaly [Naruto Fanfic]

The Storm Before THE Storm

(A/N: How the flying-fuck am I number one in anime when I haven't updated this shitty book in forever? Thanks for the support, but why the heck are you reading this hot trash-)

     "Mei... I already told you that I don't want to get married."

     From the shit-eating grin on the Mizukage's face, she knew that the woman wasn't going to stop her relentless and reckless tactics. After raising the Kage's self-esteem with the fresh idea of marriage, she decided on her own to become Tsubaki's wingman. She even told her that she was courting Gaara, but no, why not have a damn harem!?

     "You're a prospective young bachelorette that hopes in starting up her clan one more."

     "Did I fucking tell you to burn down my house?"

     "Modern problems require modern solutions."

     The Uchiha female held her hands up and muttered, "I'm done. I've got an S-Class threat and a Mizukage that won't stop trying to have me tie the knot with that stupid-"

     Sai returned casually and stated, "I have extinguished all the fire."

     Sasuke's twin arched an eyebrow irritatingly at the woman. She was supposed to lead a country for god's sake, not try to put her together with a boy like a side character in a romance novel! "I seriously can't deal with this. I have to watch Gaara and stalk his ass- And I forgot the order for the Chunnin Exams again!"

     Frantically, she went to bolt out the door, hoping to see her Sand Princess' glorious ass someone where in the stands. The man didn't even have to wear space pants to have an arse that was "out of this world." 

     He had to be worried about her.

     "I'll come with you!" Mei chirped, her green eyes curving deviously upwards.

     "Let me see, " she wondered before whipping out a middle finger and looking surprised as if she hadn't meant to do it. "I guess that means 'no.' "

     That didn't stop the curvaceous woman anyways as she pranced right after her, practically yelling about using her status as Kage against Tsubaki. "I'll work a deal with your Hokage!"

     "Fine then, talk with the old pervert!" she hollered back while sprinting toward the arena.

     When she saw the crowd, her eyes searched for her crush among the sea. Not many people had red hair in general, so she should've been fine. "Where is Gaara...?"

     There was a comical cloud of dust not too far off from her and her chakra spiked unintentionally from fear. 

      Once more turning back to the people, she caught sight of her favorite red haired boy and practically screamed in joy. Jumping in joy, she pumped chakra into her feet and launched herself at him. Snaking her arms around him, Tsubaki hid behind him. 

"Protect me."

     Sand suddenly swirled out of his gourd and he readied into a defensive stance. Mei appeared, her rust-colored hair more messy than usual. "Tsu-ba-ki-chan~? Why are you running?"

     "You can't play Cupid!" she replied back angriliy.

    "But I can at least try..."

     "I'm not getting married! You can't make me!"

     Her outburst led to the quietness of the crowd of people that had gathered for the final rounds of the exams. For many hopeful, young men, it would be perfect for status, fame, and money to marry into the Uchiha Clan, especially since the rumor came around that Tsubaki claimed the title of 'head.'

     Although some were concerned about the idea of intermarriage because of the old Uchiha rule of staying pureblood, it was quite easy to see that they weren't interested in the old custom. 

     "Shukaku, you help me and I give you a handshake."

     The sand enraptured Mei Terumi and she yelled, "Underhand me!"

      Struggling against the power of the grains, she couldn't help but use her position of power, "How dare you! I am the Mizukage and deserving of respect!"

      Once again, the spectators were dumbfounded that this was in fact a Kage. Her demanding presence was noticeable, but no Kage actually acted like that in public... Did they?

     Cautiously approaching the woman, Tsubaki questioned, "How the hell did you get past Zabuza, Ao, Chojuro, and Haku? Not to mention the now-sane... man."

     Mei wiggled her eyebrows and smirked, "You mean your-"

     "Shut it."

      She squared up Gaara's shoulders and shoved him forward, "Now this is a work of art. I mean, look at that absolutely fabulous ass."

      In return, the Mizukage clucked her tongue, "You have no taste. I can tell by the look of things that he's dense, beyond the reach of even your help."

     "We'll see about that, " Tsubaki spat back.

      An Anbu appeared next to her in a mask. "The Hokage would like to speak to you and the... Mizukage."

     The sand dropped Mei down and instantly went back into the gourd. Flashing a victorious grin, she hugged Tsubaki and cooed, "That's my Vermillion Rogue~"

      The woman had pushed the female Uchiha straight into her boobs and now Tsubaki was struggling to get out. "You... Idiot."

     Finally being set free, she gasped for air. "Stop -huff- showing off -huff-!"

     "I have a feeling yours will be like mine in the future, " Mei comforted.

     "That's not helping."

      Reluctantly, Tsubaki Uchiha grabbed, the green eyed woman's hand and began to lead her toward the Hokage's private balcony to overlook the battles. "I brought the disturbance."

      "I see, so this is the Mizu-"

      The Sandaime Hokage froze and just stared with a pink flush on his cheeks. Tsubaki just facepalmed and sighed, "There, see the old pervert eyeing you like that? Isn't that unsightly and disgusting?"

     "But that means that I have more of a chance then, " she purred happily.

     "Fuck." She had temporarily forgotten how much her sensei had been affected by the Sexy no Jutsu that Naruto miraculously came up with.

     "I was wondering, "Mei murmured, "If Tsubaki Uchiha could enter a political marriage with one of my... Shinobi."

      "Sensei!" Tsubaki exclaimed, a bit nervous, "You wouldn't sell me, right?"

      He ignored her. "Perhaps I could..."

     "I swear to Kami, I will take every single secret of Konoha I've ever known and will spill it to all of the nations. Remember... I control the shadow of Konoha now."

      Blackmail was always a good way to motivate people in your favor.

(A/N: Mei, of course, will join the fight. Ha, can't wait until Tobirama comes back to life with the animation jutsu. Next chapter, Orochimaru will appear. Still, I'm sorry for now updating for a while.)