The Acrimony Anomaly [Naruto Fanfic]

Naruto!!!!!!!!!

     Kakashi sighed while staring at his orange book. How the hell had he gotten position in babysitting more brats? It was obviously Tsubaki, since she was literally creating all the hassles.

     "Are we there yet?" Hashirama asked/whined for the thirtieth time.

     He was sadly ignored, as everyone had learned to do after the umpteenth time. The Senju let out another resigned huff.

      The group ran through the desert, shaking out the sand that had shifted it's way into their shoes. Against a grudge-filled Tsubaki, they were no match of her "one day" desire to return back to Konoha.

     "MOVE YOUR ASSES! I'M NOT EVEN THAT YOUTHFUL BUT I CAN STILL RUN FASTER THAN ALL OF YOU! YOU ARE ALL SO PATHETIC! A GIRL IS BEATING ALL YOU BASTARDS- Don't worry, Gaara, no matter what you'll never be pathetic as long as I get to see your fine-."

     "... And we're done here," Genma interrupted while the two adults shook their heads in agreement.

     Grumbling, she pulled out her kunai, about the stab her old friend in the ass.  However, a strong stream of sand prevented her against it. "Don't hurt him."

     "Whatever you say, sweetcheeks."

     A round of annoyed groans erupted around her. It was the longest trip back to Konohagakure ever in their minds- except the innocent Gaara's. 

     At the gates of the Leaf Village, she kissed the dirt path, "Sweet, sturdy ground! How have I missed you!"

     With a lopsided grin, she strolled in, acting as casually as she could. If by casually, it was meant by Izuna's sword resting on her shoulder and sunglasses on the bridge of her nose. " 'Sup world."

     Like before, she spiked her chakra, feeling the warm, sunny chakra signature rippling with delight. Within seconds he was in front her, eyes filled with joy. He tackled her to the ground, a red flush on his cheeks as his head rested in the center of her chest. 

     A tick mark appeared on her forehead, "You've got five seconds to get off of me or I'm painting this town red... In your blood."

     He gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing. 

     Pinching her nose in exasperation, she ordered, "Catch me."

     The Uzumaki nodded knowingly, as he had done so many times before. The reborn Shodaime Hokage, however, did not understand what was going on. "Wait, what?!"

      With a grin, her body went limp, collapsing until caught into the expecting arms of the blonde. A little bit of disappointment made way into his heart as their reunion had been too short for his liking.

-In Naruto's Mindscape-

     "So I see that you're back again, " the deep voice rumbled.

     Sitting down, Tsubaki Uchiha answered, "Yah, aren't you happy to see me?"

     "Wha-Why would I be happy to see YOU of all people?"

     "Because you love me, that's why."

      The orange, fluffy fox scoffed, "As if I would."

     She stared at the tails that wagged vigorously behind him, creating large ripples in the water he stood upon. "Look at your tails."

     "Why would I look at my tails- Ack!"

     He used his furry paws to hold down his ninetails and complained, "Why are they moving without my permission?!"

     "You're like a dog."

     Kurama bared his teeth, snarling, "I'm not like those mindless, disgustingly loving animals." 

    "No, you're my friend, one of my best friends actually."

     He snorted, "You didn't have many to begin with."

     "Hey! ... But I've found my first crush in my two lifetimes."

     He paused, his snout now pointing directly at her. His two eyes stared deeply into hers. "You're joking."

     "Nuh-uh, he's got a fine ass and he's also a jinchuriki."

     "Of which one?"

     "Shukaku."

     "Did he do anything to you, like, I don't know, some brainwashing thing like you did to Obito?"

     "Nah, my heart just went Doki-doki  -literature club-"

     "What was that?"

     "Nothing... Man, I've got to go, since Hashirama is probably pissing in his paints right now."

     "Ah, that boy that is freaking out right now. I thought his chakra was familiar. Looking at his pathetic face gives me amusement."

     "I know, right?! Sadists, forever."

     They fistbumped. "Peace out, Orange Fluffball."

-Out of Naruto's Mindscape-

     "Is she alright?!" the black haired Senju questioned furiously, "Is it because she pushed herself too much?!"

     "Hell no, dattebayo!" Naruto replied in an offended tone, "She's just chatting with someone."

     "The Kyuubi, " Gaara provided, as he knew about the Uchiha's ability to enter people's heads. 

     "EHHHHHH?!" he exclaimed, his jaw dropping to the floor, "Even after t-that one thing?"

     "What 'one thing?' " Naruto asked curiously.

     "Yeah, " Madara added with malice, "What one thing?"

     "N-nothing, " The Shodaime Hokage stuttered.

     When she heard a herd of girls' squeals and endless cooing, the Uchiha female exactly who was in the vicinity. "Sasuke."

     At the name, the Namikaze's lips curled with distaste at the name of his rival. "What is he doing here?!"

     "Hn, "the ravenette murmured, "Dobe, I'm here to see my sister."

     "You don't have to be here though!"

      "Actually, I do. She left the village without telling me and so I had to ask the Hokage himself!"

     With a sheepish smile, she replied, "... Oops?"

     He scowled, "You think that will suffice... Imouto?"

     Killer intent had burst from her body from that statement, "You seriously want to go down that route?"

     "Someone needs to put you in your place. This is the second time you have left without explaining or at least leaving me a note. You're all the family I have left in Konoha, so at least think about that."

     "Hai, hai..."

     "How are you so selfish, yet selfless?"

     "That makes no sense."

    "You act too recklessly at the stake of others and don't care about yourself one bit or even the people worrying about you... Aren't you at least afraid of dying?"

     She sighed, her hand running through her hair anxiously. The last thing she had expected was that, but then again, Izuna had always made her worry.

     "I'll tell you the same thing I told the late Uchiha Clan head. I'm only afraid of losing my brothers... And dying? At this point, I could care less about a chidori to my heart or rasengan through my stomach... Dying? It's just sitting in an empty void waiting for time to pass even though it doesn't. It's like feeling like there's something missing, something you've regret... If you think about it... Life is pretty much the same as Death... What is the difference?"