The Acrimony Anomaly [Naruto Fanfic]

Alcoholic Senju Returns!

     "So..." Tsunade hummed, sipping her sake slowly, "You're saying that you reincarnated, Grandfather?"

      "Y-yes, " Hashirama stuttered, his body held up precariously by Gaara's sand.

      "Could you put me down?" he whined, eyes tearily looking at Gaara, his only friend from Suna.

     Tsubaki laughed, "To let you run away? I don't think so."

      Naruto couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy in his chest for 'Genma' as he looked over. However, at the same time, he felt an odd giddiness but he didn't understand where it came from.

     Shizune and Tonton had joined them for the meeting about the Shodaime when the interrogation was happening. To say that they were shocked was an understatement. To even think that the Shodaime came back to life as another being was mind-bending.

     Tsunade then glanced over to Tsubaki, who in turn whistled away like she had absolutely nothing to do with it. If the woman was to become Hokage then she'd have to reveal her identity before the Sandaime decided to do it for her.

     It wouldn't be nearly as fun as she wouldn't be able to relish in the woman's reaction.

     "It's decided then, " she announced, "We're going to Konoha."

      "Just like that?!" Naruto exclaimed, standing up, "But Ero-Sennin kept on going on and on about how hard it would be to bring you back-"

      "Don't get be wrong, " the blonde woman coldly stated, "I'm only going for my Grandfather. I haven't accepted being Hokage."

      "Yet, " Tsubaki added tauntingly, "You forgot to add the 'yet.' "

     Grabbing Gaara by the hand, she pulled him toward the door. "Come on, let's go back before everyone else does. We've done our work and had to deal with more. A... break is in need,"

     "Why are you leaving right this min- ahhh!" Gaara had extracted the sand that was keeping him up, leaving him to fall onto a pile on the floor. "A warning would've been nice!"

     She clucked her tongue at him, "Here I am trying to have a saucy escapade with him and you're trying to ruin it."

     "An escapade?"

     "You know, all those marriage talks have me down, " she pouted but then regained her energetic vigor, "So I was thinking... why don't I just skip marriage and go right to the honeymoon!"

      "Wha- what?!"

     "There's the Land of Hot Springs and they even have co-ed baths. It'll be a steamy session in both ways!"

     Naruto interrupted, clearly not wanting that to happen, "Tsubaki-chan, why don't we all leave together?"

      Jiraiya bumped into his arm and whispered in his ear, "Why did you have to pick a dominate girl?"

      "Huh?"

     "You've made it much more harder for yourself, not to mention you won't fight for what you want."

     "You're no better Pervy Sage!"

     The old man looked taken aback. "What do you mean by that?"

    "Don't think that I can't see you looking at Tsuna-"

     His mouth was quickly covered. To cover it up, Jiraiya laughed heartily, "Why don't we all rest up tonight and leave first thing tomorrow morning?"

     Hashirama agreed quickly, "Yes, yes! Let's do that."

     "You're not resting until we talk thoroughly." 

     "Yes, ma'am, " he squeaked.

     The next day they all set out back for Konoha and of course, the journey back wasn't free of any sexual jokes or compliments.

     "Hey, hey, Gaara, " she smiled, "Do you like sales?"

     "Sure, " he replied unknowingly.

     "Good, because if you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place."

     "Free clothes?" he questioned with a puzzled look.

     "... Yeah, why not? That too."

     Hashirama gagged from it as he was only running a couple of feet away from them.

     "Please, " he begged, "stop."

     Tsubaki only smirked and drawled out a lazy, "Hey."

     "Dear God no."

     "Do you have an inhaler cause you got that ass-ma."

     Jiraiya quickly gained speed to be on par with Hashirama, asking in a hushed whisper, "Is she usually like that?"

     "You have absolutely no idea."

    Her 'playful' banter continued for the rest of the way to Konohagakure. The worst part about it was that it had annoyed everyone so much that they had dark circles, messy hair, and irritable attitudes when they arrived at the gates. The only ones that were okay were Gaara and Tsubaki, the two major culprits. Even Tonton had enough.

     Poor Izumo and Kotetsu. They had no idea that they would be facing a Senju's life in the peak of their career and almost die. Perhaps they would retire from the emotional scarring.

     Tsubaki was wise enough to let the woman do her thing and cool down for the day. Though she annoyed her close friends, she also managed to make two Senjus want to be something equivalent to suicide bombers. To take their rage out on others and end themselves was the vibe she was getting from them.

     Naruto wouldn't raise his hand against her though, he was too much of a cinnamon roll and considered her like family.

Denial, Denial, Denial... How much more Denial will there be?

     The next day came with the rising of the Sun. Bright and early, Tsubaki went to meet with the Senju medic to claim her winnings from her bet. She was going to teach Sakura and essentially boost her confidence. The pinkette did lack a ton of backbone and then came Tsunade, though she didn't wish to admit, was the perfect fit for her.

     Though Tsubaki would be more than happy to take upon Sakura's training herself along with Sasuke's and Naruto's, the Haruno wouldn't mentally benefit from her. 

     Sensei's were meant to be looked up to and Tsubaki knew that she had a few screws loose... Okay, more than a few. Still, the reason why she was so weak was also because she was mentally putting herself down.

     Tsubaki also struggled with her own chaotic mental instability and adding the two together would hinder her more than help. Sakura needed a strong base foundation, not someone sporadic like her. Naruto and Sasuke were exempt because they already had their own mental foundation of what they were going to strive for.

     "You wish for me to train the kunoichi, Sakura?" Tsunade asked, making sure once more, "Her profile isn't exactly... special."

     "Trust me, " Tsubaki smirked, "Make her a tough kunoichi and your mind will change."