The Acrimony Anomaly [Naruto Fanfic]

Mishaps and More

     Tsubaki Uchiha was never going to even mention Kirigakure to anyone ever again. No, it was too embarrassing and terrible to even ponder upon. She hoped to never even see one of their sorry faces again because she knew that Kami that they'd provoke her. 

     She didn't mean to do it in the middle of battle and now everyone wanted her to sign the consent forms to some way-off elope. It wasn't her fault that she saw that he was accidentally hot now because of the raging hormones in her body. Not to mention a huge scar cut across her abdomen because of the Sanbi being all angsty with her... And he was supposed to be the nice one! Still, the bijuu was quick to forgive after he had hit her.

     No one was ever going to know. 

     She was late too... And people were probably going to want to know why. The rebels had spent a few days in celebration and she drank alcohol when already having a killer hangover from the day before, which probably wasn't a smart idea. She also almost killed Mei for-

     The roar of the crowd filled her ears and she gulped anxiously. Lateness wasn't taken lightly with the Sandaime, so she hoped to smooth some things over with him and possibly talk her way out.

     She tossed on the cloak that was gifted to her from Zabuza, which was a worn thing compared to the rich life he lived now. He probably knew she wouldn't really care anyways as long as her identity was hidden.

     "Sensei~!" the Uchiha female exclaimed cheerily as she came closer to his private box, "What did I miss?"

     Disappointment began to waft off of him in waves along with irritation. "And what do I owe the attention of the Vermillion Rogue to?"

     "Vermillion... Rogue?"

     "I kept a watchful eye on those Bingo Books when I found out that you were missing. I picked up the newest copy and found a new entry under the A-Class, which is very odd considering that the threat never even climbed the rankings. It's not hard to put the two and two together, especially with your cloak, which has been specially tailored to not catch on fire and very hard to cut with a blade."

     After thinking about that for a moment, her eyes sparkled widely, "I've gotten my own nickname?!"

     She was going to start jumping up and down in happiness. First she was recognized and now there was a nickname. Now, all there was to do was achieving the highest rank and bounty on the list.

     "However, what were you doing posing as a missing shinobi from Kirigakure? Were you trying to drag Konohagakure into the war?"

     "I got us a new ally though...? The Mizukage, Mei Terumi, has offered a trading and war alliance with us and I believe that it is a step forward toward peace?"

     "I will look into it."

     "Also, remember that the new Mizukage has huge badonkadonks and stuff and she's a big bachelorette right now, so please don't be disgusting."

     He cleared his throat, "W-why would you need to remind me?"

     Her eyebrow shot up in disbelief. "Do we seriously need to go down this route?"

    Rubbing the temples of her forehead, she grabbed the Hokage's nearby alcohol and chugged it before the old man could say a single word.

     She waved on over, "Sai."

     The albino skinned Anbu appeared silently and awaited his new orders. 

     "Carry me to where I should be and fill me in on what has happened while I wasn't here."

    "Wait!" The Sandaime yelled, but was cut off by the swift action of her leaving via Anbu. Sighing, he slouched back in his chair and relit his pipe once more. The plan still wasn't totally concrete yet and she didn't seem to be completely sober yet.

     Tsubaki clucked her tongue heavily at what she had to deal with. There were no seats but rather she had to stand on the hard concrete or lean against the old iron railings. "Go get me an aspirin, water, pillows, blankets, and a futon."

     He only nodded and disappeared, complying with the very needy orders of his leader. "It's like having an emotionless pet dog... But it doesn't love me and I won't scream if I accidentally hit it and its tail goes down by a bit to show it's health."

     "Tsubaki-chan! Welcome back, dattebayo!"

     She was tackled to the ground, knowing that it was bound to happen after all the years of knowing him. "Hands off them goods, Naruto. There's other men that would gladly want to tackle me in a nonrespectable/nondecent manner here too. I am known for attracting men in odd ways."

     His face turned a beet red and she couldn't help but feel smug about it. So far, she was the only one that had caused him to blush in such a manner. Being so flirtacious and outgoing, she was the major heartthrob of the village (or so she thinks).

     A few moments later, Sai returned with her much needed objects. She popped open the water and dropped the pills into her mouth.

     "Uhhh... Why are you taking painkillers, dattebayo?" he asked slightly embarrassed. He was on a different track of thinking, however.

     "Me and the boys were out drinking up a storm and I oop-"

     A kunai had cleanly pierced through her water bottle. It would have impaled her if she had not moved quick enough. 

    "Hurry, " she hissed to the blonde, "Get out before the yandere sis-cons manage to blame you for something too."

     "Imouto."

     She was too frightened to even retort and yell at them for even daring to call her that. There was something very different and serious this time... Perhaps it was because Itachi was there to quadruple the bloodlust.

     "I-Ita-nii, I was only gone for a month... And I left a note! I even came up with some new jutsus!"

    She felt like her reasoning was being brushed aside with ease. Taking a deep breath, the onyx orbed female prepared for the worst. Grabbing onto the nearby blankets, she had wrapped herself in them to make herself a human burrito. Not the smartest option, but it tricked herself into feeling safer.

    "I'm sorry, we had forgotten about you until today."

     Her mouth opened and gaped at her older brother. The sis-con had even forgotten that his only sister had gone. Whether it was a curse or blessing, she had yet to know.

     "We were deep into our training and had planned to invite you along halfway through. However, we lost track of the time with Kakashi-san alongside us."

    Of course it had to be the dimwit sensei that could never arrive on time because life was too cruel and 'oh woe is he.' The man wasn't living a second life in order to fix the horrendous mistakes that upset the balance of the entire world. "Why am I not surprised... But for that, I'm disowning you for a day."

     Never did she think that she would have to change her mind so quickly. Her brother's broken-hearted face was too much... If the Izuna look-a-like's face managed to look like that, she would jump off a cliff from the 0-100 depression.

    "Alright, alright. You're my bro, now go buy me some ramune and dango without having some for yourself."

     He didn't make it back without sneaking a few sticks in.

(A/N: Honestly just remembered that Deidara is an option and I was very concerned because I actually can make it happen (quite adorably, may I say), so the explody man will be added to the suitor list. Thinking about TsuDei actually makes my heart go uwu and boom-boom at the same time like, what-.)