Edged between

even now

I know I said I'd stop, that it doesn't hurt anymore
But every time you leave me alone, I want it more
I know I said I don't think about it, what we became
But even without you it all feels the same

I'm still sitting on the bathroom floor
Wondering where it all went wrong
Why you didn't love me anymore
It didn't didn't disappear just because you're gone

And every breath is still a labor even without the bruise
And it seems no matter what I do, I'm the one to lose

You're a drug that tainted me from the world
You gave me pain I couldn't afford
And even though the walls are closing in on me
I wonder if you ever truly loved me

I would've given you my all
It didn't matter how hard I had to fall
If only I had you
But I never truly did

It all was an illusion
Preying on my confusion

And still with all you gave to me
I can never truly see how bad you are for me

I still wonder what i did wrong
How i lived with the pain for so long
If I'd ever see your face again
But it could never be the same

I still wish for that arc
But it drowns out when I remember every remark
That scar on my shoulder
That wouldn't fade as I got older
But its funny how I Blame myself for it
That I deserve what I get
That I still can't see
All the pain you gave to me

And I wonder why I'm still sitting in the dark
I'm free now or so I'm told
But all I can feel is the cold
Like I said, you took more than I could afford.