F*ck Fate! (Book 3)

Chapter Fourteen: Heart to Heart Confessions

Andy

I felt incredibly awkward all of a sudden. Shawn was just standing there, staring down at the box his ex-girlfriend had brought over. The door was still wide open and the game was still going on on the TV. But neither of us moved.

Eventually, I needed to break the silence. I said the only thing I could think of. "So I take it you're not completely straight."

He looked at me and stammered a bit before saying, "I'm bi." Then he sighed and shut the door. "But I don't like you like that. She's just upset, I guess. She wants to find some reason for me not being in love with her anymore and she's blaming everyone she can."

"I don't blame her," I said, watching as Shawn climbed back over the couch. This time, he did it slower so he wouldn't fall again. "I'd probably be upset too if some guy wouldn't give me a reason for ending things."

I shouldn't have assumed Shawn just dumped her and that was that, but that was exactly what it looked like. I also happened to know that it did hurt, being left in the dark. It's happened to me way too many times.

"She just got too annoying and clingy over the last few months," Shawn said, picking up his controller. "Hopefully the next girl I date won't turn into that too."

We continued playing, silently trying to kill each other. I had a lot of thoughts on my mind, but I didn't want to voice them. I had been on the receiving side of that treatment. I didn't want her to go through that too, but it's not like I had any control over what Shawn chose to say to her.

I was also put off by Shawn talking about the next girl he dates, as if a guy wasn't even in the equation. He was bisexual, which means he could date a guy if he chose to. I wanted to know why he didn't want to.

So I asked. "You don't want to date a guy then, right? Just sticking to girls?"

"Yup."

"Can I ask why?"

I figured maybe he wasn't out to everyone. But from what little I've gathered, his ex knew, as did his friend he talked to a few weeks ago, if I remembered correctly. And since Meg practically yelled it throughout the house without Shawn worrying too much about his sister or anyone else who might be here hearing, I figured his family knew as well.

"I'm done with guys," Shawn said after a few minutes. "I'm never letting myself fall for another one."

"Bad breakup?" I couldn't help asking more questions. I've always been a curious person, and the topic of same-sex relationships has always been something close to my heart. It's not that I didn't want Shawn to pretend he is straight for the rest of his life or to give in to his "gay side", it's just that I felt that he should accept himself for who he is.

He sighed. "I fell in love with my best friend when we were in middle school. Sophomore year, he told me he was in love with our other friend. As far as either of us knew, Sam was straight. It gave me hope that Ryan could be mine one day, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt. When Sam came out... I should have accepted that I lost, but I didn't. Needless to say, I sort of ruined the friendship we had."

Before I could say anything, Shawn went on. "Then there was Patrick, my senior year. I thought dating him would get my mind off Ryan, but it didn't work, not when I saw him and Sam together every day. So I ended up just using Pat for sex. It could have turned into something good, but I ruined that too."

"Don't blame yourself," I said, glancing over at him to see him staring intently at the tv screen. "You'll find the one for you eventually, whether they're a girl or a guy. Don't limit yourself."

I wanted to believe the advice I was giving Shawn was purely for his benefit, but part of me knew that if I could get him to be more open to dating a guy again, I could have a chance. Once I break up with Lance, of course. I knew I needed to do that soon, before this gets dragged on too long.

At the same time, Lance has been the only guy in years to like me for me. He didn't mind that I couldn't walk and he didn't fetishize it either, as others have. Was giving up this chance at a normal relationship worth the slim chance of being with Shawn?

The match in the game finished, with me in the lead by a surprising four kills. I never expected to be so good at this game, but maybe that was just beginner's luck.

"I have to pee," Shawn said, standing up.

Before he could throw himself over the back of the couch again, I backed up, letting him walk by. I didn't need him hurting himself again when it was easy for me to get out of his way.

As soon as he disappeared down the hallway, his sister showed up next to me, leaning on the back of the couch with a crooked smile on her face.

"You like my brother, don't you?" she asked.

I shrugged. "He's a friend." For now, that statement was relatively true. I had a feeling we had officially moved past the acquaintances stage we had been in and were now closer to being considered friends. But I wasn't about to admit to a teenage girl that I did, in fact, have a small crush on her brother.

"Right. I think he likes you too, just so you know. It's why I told you to come over, since I knew he wouldn't have."

That was an interesting thought, one I couldn't think too much about. Yet I asked anyway, unable to control my curiosity. "Why do you say that?"

"He's been... I don't know, bitchy lately. And I know it's not over the breakup. At this point he could care less about Meg. The only other times I've seen him act like this were when he thought he was going to lose Ryan and when he was with Pat. Sure, I didn't recognize the signs back then - I was too young - but I see it now and, looking back, it happened. It's obvious that he's trying so hard not to like you. I hope you change his mind."

We heard the bathroom door open then, and Ivy hurried off. It was like she had never been there when Shawn came back out, asking if I wanted to play another match.

Was Ivy right? Did Shawn actually like me back? He made it so difficult to gauge his emotions, though. I really did want to figure him out even more than what he opened up with today. I felt like Shawn was a complex puzzle, and I was determined to find all the pieces.