F*ck Fate! (Book 3)

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Just Trying to Survive

Shawn

My hands were shaking as I pressed the call button on my phone. I didn't want to talk to Andy. I mean, I did, but I didn't. It's why I've put off calling him back all week. I just didn't know what to say to him. Or rather, how to say it.

It rang and rang. It rang so much that I thought he wasn't going to answer. I'd probably deserve that, though, for the times I ignored his calls this week.

Finally, probably just before his voicemail picked up, Andy answered. "Hello?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," I blurted. "I should have called you back days ago."

I heard a door close on his side of the call. "Why didn't you?"

That was the one question I wasn't ready to answer. Why'd he have to ask that? "Um... it's complicated?"

"How is it complicated? I told you not to disappear on me and that's exactly what you did for the entire week, Shawn."

I could tell he was mad. Honestly, he had every right to be. "Andy..." I crossed to the other side of my bedroom, not sure how I was supposed to explain. "I'm so sorry." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "My mom showed up."

I could faintly hear the front door closing, which meant she was back. I should have called Andy earlier, but I couldn't bring myself to do it before working up enough courage.

"Look, Andy," I said. I think I cut him off from whatever he was saying, but I needed to get this out first. "I know that's not an excuse, but this week has been absolute shit." I sat on the edge of my bed. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to be here with her anymore. I..." I had no more words and, honestly, just talking about it was making me want to cry again. I hated crying and yet I couldn't seem to stop this week. I wish she had never shown up and tried to take over everything.

"Why don't you come over?" Andy asked. "I'm at Kat's right now - where the party was. I can be at my apartment in fifteen minutes. We can talk, if you want, or not. Or we can go meet somewhere else?"

I nodded my head, forgetting for a moment that I was talking to him through a phone. "Yeah," I said. "Yeah, okay. I have to open tomorrow morning, so I can't stay over, but I can come by your place for a bit."

"Whatever you want to do, Shawn," he said. "You can always bring your stuff for tomorrow in case it gets too late. I'm not saying anything has to happen between us. Just that I live closer to your work than you do. It's up to you, though."

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "I'll see."

I would actually love to spend the night somewhere that wasn't here, but I wasn't sure I wanted to leave Ivy to fend for herself. I could already hear Mom and Dad arguing, probably over something stupid. It felt like we were back in the months before the divorce, when the two would fight about everything. The only good thing about this week was that Dad was up and not laying in bed all day, but that was about it.

"Maybe I will stay over," I told Andy. "I'll bring my stuff and see what happens. I'll be there in about an hour or so."

"Okay. See you soon."

As soon as we ended the call, I grabbed my backpack. I started tossing my work clothes in there and anything else I might need for tonight. Just in case. Once that was packed, I left my room and walked across the hall to knock on Ivy's door.

She didn't respond, so I opened it. She was sitting on her bed, both headphones in - probably to drown out the sound of the fighting. When she saw me, she took one out and paused her music on her phone.

"I'm going to Andy's," I said. "Might spend the night in case it gets late. But if you need me here, I'll stay."

She smiled. "And make you miss out on a night with your new boyfriend? Nah, I'm good."

I rolled my eyes. "Not my boyfriend, never will be. He's just a friend."

"Whatever you say. But seriously, I'll be fine. These noise-cancelling headphones are amazing."

I shook my head at her. "Alright. But if she gives you any trouble about anything, call me."

She nodded her head and I closed the door again. I wish I could tell her to spend the night at one of her friends', but tomorrow was a school day. Besides, she was pretty much out all weekend anyway, not dealing with Mom the way I have. She'll probably be fine for one night.

"Where are you going?" Mom demanded just before I got to the door.

I rolled my eyes. "None of your damn business."

"Excuse me? I'm your mother. Don't talk to me like that."

I shook my head. "You lost that role when you walked out of our lives. I've been running this family while you were off having fun, so I can go out if I want to go out."

"I'm only here because I didn't realize how much you all have been struggling since I left. I want to help, Shawn."

It's the same thing she's been saying all week, but she wasn't understanding why her methods weren't working. "So stop trying to control us! We're not the same people that you left a year ago. We've changed."

With that, I turned and stormed out of the house. I had thought that I missed her being around, but after this week, I know that I can never live in the same place as her again. I've been trying my best to keep this family going, but apparently that wasn't good enough for her. Like she even really cares.

Everything I've done, she's criticized. I don't work a good enough job. I don't buy good enough food. I forced Dad into therapy he doesn't need. I don't do anything right in her eyes, but it's not like I knew what I was doing when she decided to up and leave us one day.

All I've been doing is trying to survive, to keep this family a family, even in the weakest sense of the word. That family didn't include Mom. I don't think it ever will again. I just needed her to understand that and go back to her fucking boyfriend.