F*ck Fate! (Book 3)

Chapter Eighteen: Opening Up

Andy

I didn't mean to overhear Shawn's outburst on the phone, but he had been yelling rather loudly. I think half of campus heard him yelling at his mom. I watched as he sank onto the bench, looking completely defeated.

"You should go talk to him," Kat said.

I had briefly filled her in on who Shawn was to me, to which she immediately told me it's only been three days since breaking up with Lance. In my defense, I did meet Shawn before Lance. Besides, it's not like I was planning on asking Shawn out anytime soon, especially because I knew he'd say no.

Now though, I wasn't sure what to do. Maybe I should go talk to him, like Kat said. But was that crossing the line of our weird little friendship we have going on?

"Go," Kat urged. "Obviously you're not focusing on homework anymore."

I shook my head. "Sorry, he's just... he looks so sad." The things he was saying to his mom... I can't imagine what he's been going through. I never knew how much he was struggling at home. It made me appreciate what I had a little bit more.

"I'm going," I decided, shoving my notebook back into my backpack. "I'll meet you in class."

She nodded her head, going back to her work while I headed for Shawn. He still hadn't moved, with his head in his hands. I stopped next to him, not sure what to say.

I ended up starting simply. "Hey," I said.

He looked up slowly. "What do you want?"

I gave him a small smile. "You seem like you need someone on your side."

"And that person has to be you?"

"You like me a whole lot more than you like to let on, Shawn." He rolled his eyes, so I kept talking. "You're hurting right now, I can see that you are. I don't know the details, but I'm letting you know that I'm here for you if you need me - whether it's as a shoulder to cry on or as someone to play video games with to distract you from whatever is going on. Okay?"

At first, I thought he was ignoring me. He just stared straight ahead, with no indication of having heard me. Eventually, he nodded his head.

"Okay," he said softly, looking over at me. There was so much sadness in those pretty green eyes. "I don't want to stay here, though."

"Where do you want to go?"

He shook his head. "Not home. Anywhere but there."

I thought for a moment. Technically, I had class in half an hour. But I didn't want to leave Shawn alone, not when he was this upset. I guess I could miss one class; it wouldn't kill me.

"Why don't we go to my place?" I suggested. "It's right around the corner and it'll just be us there."

Shawn nodded his head. "Yeah, alright."

I quickly texted Kat to tell her I wasn't going to be in class and to take notes for me. Then I started for home, with Shawn walking next to me. Neither of us spoke on the way there, which was okay. I didn't know what to say to him right now anyway, since there were other people walking around. I was afraid that if I started talking about something to distract him, we might never talk about what he was so upset about. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to know that part of Shawn. I wanted to help him.

It wasn't long before we were inside my apartment. I went right for my little living room, maneuvering myself onto the couch. It was a whole lot more comfortable than my chair and I had a feeling we might be here for a while.

Shawn sat down on the other side of the couch. "I don't know what I'm doing," he said.

"In what sense?"

He shook his head. "You probably heard what I said on the phone, didn't you?"

I nodded. "I think half of campus did. You weren't exactly being subtle about it."

With a sigh, Shawn leaned back into the couch. "My mom left last year to be with her boss on some tropical island. Since then, my dad lost his job and has been getting worse with his depression. I've been the only one bringing money in, and it's like she doesn't even care about us."

I didn't know what to say to that. I hadn't realized how tough his life was; he is really good at hiding all that pain usually.

"I'm sorry," I said. "You know, I rarely see either of my parents."

He looked over at me. "Really?"

I nodded. "They don't live here. I'm completely on my own. Both of my parents are big-time lawyers and travel all over the country for their clients. I was lucky enough to see my mom for an hour on Monday because she was passing through the city and had just enough time to stop in."

"Do your parents know? That you're gay?"

I nodded, smiling a bit at the memory. "When I was thirteen, I was in the hospital for a couple weeks after I had the stroke that paralyzed me. During the first few days, I was on so many medications I apparently couldn't stop gushing to my parents about how hot the male nurse was. We all knew after that."

"I don't think my dad knows about me. When I was with Pat for that year, my dad kept calling him my friend. Nothing more. He never even acknowledged the fact that there could have been more between us."

He moved slightly closer to me, now facing me instead of the tv across the room. "Why should I care, though?" he asked. "He doesn't care that Ivy and I are struggling to eat every day. Mom doesn't care about us either. So why should I be so worried about them not liking that I like guys too?"

I was trying to figure out how to respond when Shawn spoke again. "Can I kiss you?"

The words were so unexpected that I didn't hesitate to think. I just agreed.