love; denied || victor criss {slow updates}

Wednesday, I think

The day flew by and before i knew it, it was lunch. I sat at my usual table with the losers, but after about five minutes Belch flagged me down from across the cafeteria, looking as pissed as ever.

"Excuse me for just a minute." I said and climbed out of my seat between Beverly and Richie. With a hop, skip, and a jump i avoided walking students with trays and found the boy.

"Whatcha need?" I said, rounding the corner. A small yelp escaped my lips when my eyes met with Patrick's. I blinked furiously and swallowed some saliva, almost choking on it. With bags under his eyes that looked like they weighed a hundred pounds, and hair messier, greasier, and more tangled than ever he gave me a look that ht my soul.

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"Shit.. I don't even know where to start... I'm so fucking sorry."

Patrick's hands twitched every now and then as he kept apologizing. We had taken refuge from fifth period and his in the councilor's office, our recent councilor being fired for having sex with another teacher. Patrick kept spitting apologies between every breath, he was shaking and crying profusely.

"Hey.. I understand. Doesn't mean i'm forgiving you just yet but it's understandable." I pulled him into a hug and he sobbed against my shoulder.

His mother and father had decided to get divorced, they couldn't stand looking at each other and seeing the face of their dead baby. Avery Hockstetter had died very young, and it was Patrick's doing. He suffocated his own brother before he said his first word. His parents never knew how he died, and Patrick had only ever told me. He felt guilty about them splitting up because of him murdering his brother without their knowledge. Something inside him snapped for a while until the realization of his actions hit, and they hit hard.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. i-i can't.. i..-" "I said it's okay. When my parents got divorced i went a little crazy too, almost came at Belch with a knife until i started crying." I said and sighed. I heard his sniffling as he pulled away.

"It doesn't give me an excuse though. I understand if you hate me, but please don't walk away from my life... please.." His knuckles were white from gripping his own arms and his eyes were red. His yellow shirt was covered in tears and his camouflage pants were obviously bloody. There's another thing about Pat. Mutilation is his thing. Both for enjoyment and for curiosity, but he would never do it to himself, unless he knows he fucked up.

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked, changing the topic.

He looked up from his tears with a puzzled look on his face. I just raised my eyebrows at him with a straight face. He sighed and turned his head away.

"Wednesday, i think.."

I instantly grabbed his forearm and pulled him up. He wobbled for a second, flinching as the muscles in his thighs flexed when he stood. I started making my way out of the room and down the hall to the cafeteria. We walked quickly by classrooms and finally hit the big, open room of tables.

I spotted the lunch ladies mopping the floor and jogged over to them, signaling Patrick to stay.

"excuse me?"
The two lunch ladies turned around and smiled, thank goodness they were nice and friendly.

"Yes dear, how can we help?" One lady asked while leaning on her mop.

"My friend here missed lunch taking a test, could i get a water bottle and maybe a granola bar?" I asked politely.

"I'm on it, sweetheart."

"Thank you." I said, within seconds she was back with a bottle if water and a turkey sandwich. I headed back over to Pat and he wiped his eyes with the back of my black sweater. It was absolutely massive on me, and on him it was still oversized. I didn't wear it much but i kept it around for my taller girl friends like Beverly or some girls in Henry's class who were actually nice, or in this case the guys. You never know.

I handed him the food and we went back to the old office. He didn't want to eat but i made him promise me to eat later and he did. He drank the water pretty quickly, all that crying he's done must've really dehydrated him.

"Thanks, Jenny I-" "Don't say anything, just drink." I interrupted him. He leaned his head against my shoulder and I played with his hair for a while until he made me go back to class. I saw him exit the school and join Belch and Henry in the car, they looked ready to kill him but Henry hugged him, which surprised me. Oddly enough Victor wasn't with them, which of course surprised me as well, he may have just not been able to face him yet after how furious he was I wouldn't suggest getting those two anywhere near each other for a while.