Struggles

I have got a dream!

Anxiety always takes over me. I was raised through it.

But I have got a dream. I knew too well nobody supported me as much as I supported myself.

I have got a dream that nobody thinks of but me. I knew everybody considered me weird but me.

I was raised within a family who knows nothing of dreams. I was made fun of every time I spoke my mind. Anxiety kicked every family gathering, every time I tried connecting with new people, every minute I spent listening to my friends' normal wishes.

But I have got a dream.

I was always mocked, even by my own mother, father, and siblings.. I was always seen as the rotten root of the family by my father just because I was different. I was shown as the guilty, the unfaithful, unpromising and disrespectful fruit to others. I was represented as that.

But I have got a dream.

I was always an average. I never ever succeeded in being more, although I tried and tried. I was calculated as the mean among my friends. I had the median scores, the median manners, the middle height.. Everything was neither on the edge nor inside the cave. It was always on the sidewalk.

But I have got a dream. 

It kicked my anxiety every time someone said ' you are really pretty ' or ' you study hard ' cause I was always shown as not enough. not enough pretty, even among my family than my friends.
The thing is, I was not just seen as that but said to be so in front of new people. It was harsh, it was gloomy.

But I have got a dream.

I was said to have no secrets. I fought battles on my own that scarcely an only friend knew about, yet still said to be silly and with no experience.

But I have got a dream.

High school was a nightmare. It was a war finding and making new friends with all my anxiety buried in my eyes. I tried and only made a few mates, yet I was satisfied.

And I still have got my dream... That made my fight all over my life for just being what I always dreamed of.

Eventually, I got less score than I should have got. My whole life changed in a second and I started getting dizzy. What am I gonna do? How would I bare the whole mocking? How would I face myself and wake up everyday telling my anxiety to calm down?!?!

Sigh.

I will never give up on my dream!