Struggles

Alone in a crowd!

I was never alone, I was always surrounded with people. so many people.

But I have always felt lonely.

People come and go and nobody stays forever except for a few. Even people I thought would stay forever, did not.. 

I think sometimes I am repellent, or maybe I am not good enough.

Anyhow, my life is so empty even though I am in the crowd.

I live with nothing to do in my future, only a few things to do for now..

Nothing have been changing in my life since forever, and I hate to admit it.. but I have no choice except to.

I have always been a shadow of myself with no dreams, no colors, and no hopes.

But what can I do? I don't have the guts to take risks, and I am sick of running after the shadows..

Even the dearest leave! I don't have the energy to chase them! 

I have zero energy for anything. 

I hate to admit that sometimes my life is boring, even though others' lives are altering deeply!

I am standing on the sidewalk watching everyone getting with a new lover and I just dream about love inside my head!

I still get nostalgic and miss people, yet I feel like my role has come to an end in their lives. 

Even my dearest.. I don't want to talk about it, no.

I will just wait here till I get lost in the crowd, again. 

One day I will achieve great dreams and I will find my boy, one day I will be as attached to someone that I get attached to people that I never forgive them.. and they don't understand it is because I truly loved them once!

I will just wait till I have something to get excited about.. these days seem dark enough to get excited.

My wishes fade away at night and I remember nothing at all the next day.

Yet what can I do? I don't have the power to ask for help, and who would try to help me?

Everybody is so busy with their lives, and here am I, lost in the crowd.

I am so lost in the crowd that I need help. I need help.