Struggles

Dear you.

Dear grandma,
Your brother died today, God bless both of you. You know how much I loved him and how much I loved you.

I miss you. All my light have turned to darkness since you left.

I needed you the most that last year. It was harsh and gloomy, I had no faith in anything. Yet you were not there.
I can't blame you.

I just wish you knew that I have finished high school and went to college, that one of my cousins got married, that sweet things happened too and you didn't appear there.

I wish you were there beside me when I needed you the most, when I was bumping into life in a great clash.

' I used to remember this afternoon
When you sat there by my side.
You saw through my heart, through my emptiness.
And you told me to listen.

What have you done to me?
What have you done?
I want to get over you sometimes,
Want to get forward '.

Everyone turned the lights off the day you slipped away. Every flower got pale the moment you did. And now your brother is gone.. I have no one to remind me of you except myself.

You were like my second mother, you taught me everything, how could you do that?
How could you be patient on me? Teach things about life and religion? I was just a kid between your arms and I could speak my mind!

How could you be so magical, making people love you just by hearing of you?

And how could you bare the pain of misunderstanding your whole life?

I am so glad I got to know you.

You were like the guiding flashlight for me, now you are gone, I clash and I fall. What would I do without you?

' I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the ride.

Then I'll see your face,
I know I am finally yours.
I'll find everything
I thought I lost before.
You'll call my name,
I'll come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole '.

You will literally make me whole. I am so in pieces right now.
I still remember that morning when you were sitting on the edge of my bed, that day everything turned bad.

I still can smell and feel you on my bed, hugging me as you used to, although that was long ago.
Long, long ago grandma,
I don't know how did those nine years pass without you.

I am sorry I am so cheesy and gloomy today, I just remembered my ache.

I have never forgotten about it.