Struggles

Guilt.

It all ends with feeling guilty.

That one time I went off to end those hard feelings, I felt pathetic and desperate, although I only meant to be tolerant. I can't even think about it, I feel the cringe filling me.
It all starts with my good intentions, and ends with load of regret.

The other time when I did someone good, all I got back was the worst. Going back, I should have stuck to being self centered. It only hurts me helping others and sharing what I have. It is not me, I don't have to pretend to be something that is not who I am.

That era when I felt responsible for everyone in my life, I literally thought that I am the shoulder everyone should carry on. Of course, this got me nothing but killing me instead. Turns out that people are more evil than I thought.
Everyone wants to be free that they never care about the others. I saw this with my eyes, not just that somebody told me.
People are all the same.

I can keep counting all the times I was let down, I just don't have the power to.
I want to talk about how guilty I felt. Not because I cared about anyone, just that I didn't care enough about myself.
I just.. didn't think about what I will get back from being gullible.
Times get tough and I wasn't that ready for that. I craved being loved and looked up to. I know I was wrong, thanks for pointing that out.

I always hoped that tomorrow would be better than today. I often tried to neglect the fact that I was ignoring my own needs.
I needed time alone, I needed to be selfish sometimes.
I needed to be more mature, but that's what is life about I guess; you are bot born to be great, you learn to be so. 

Yet can anybody tell me how can I trust again?
How can't I feel the ache of what I already experienced?
It was so hard for my ill soul, actually it was what made it ill.

People are harsh, that's the truth. You shouldn't be that easy, yet why should it be the rock hard?

I just.. have a message to the world.
Don't mess with me, ever again.
Don't even try.
I am not the person I was few years ago.