Struggles

Please make me happy!- pt2

He was everything I needed that time. I was suffering with my mental illness and I couldn't cope till he came into my life.

But.. everything changed after a few months.. when I started to get bored.

I was suffering. How could I be bored with the one person I finally chose for life?
How can this happen to me and to him?

Should I leave? No.
Should I stay? Probably.

Should I tell him? Probably.
Should I stay silent? No.

So I told him about it, I let out everything as if I was throwing up. 

I told him he was lame. I forgot to tell him that  I used to like it. I liked his warm soft hands after all, I needed nothing else to like him more, even though holding him was something long gone.

He thought he was not enough, though the problem was with me.. not him.

Sigh, I love him bad, but something was just not right.

I tried to be nice, I tried to understand, 

However something was still not right. 

He said I was supposed to make him happy, but all I did was making him worse.

I started to cry, because I knew this was right. 

God, what is wrong with me?

He has ambitions, he has faith, good intentions, kind heart that was full of light.. Yet something was still not right!

I took a break from him. It was harsh, I had no one. 

Nobody cares about me as he does. 

I stopped that bullshit. I loved him, I missed him, that's all it matters. 

The feelings came back, I didn't know what to do. 

He was jealous of a guy, I didn't know what to do. 

I laughed it off, that's what I do! Yet he was not so amazed by that.

I cried and cried, I said O'God help me!

I knew he wished to watch me from above when he is gone, but if he is gone.. what would I do without him?

I know he doesn't believe me, or maybe he does..

But everything goes right when I see his eyes. 

Hold me darling.. I do care anyway. 

I do care.