Struggles

Old friend.

Hello old friend,
I am not here to tell you how much I have missed you or that I remember you every night.

I am not narrating this to say that you were my one and only and that I am weak without you.

I am here today to tell you thanks. Thanks for fucking off.

You know what, I envy how you changed and never felt guilty about it.
Maybe you never changed at all and it was you all the time, I don't know.

Maybe I was tricked all this time.

I had never understood how much can a person be toxic except when I met you...
I know we had our times, but I can't remember any. I can't remember except the bad days, and I am not ungrateful. What you were doing was unforgivable.
Don't blame me for my reaction. Cause every action has a reaction, eh?

I cut myself suddenly, and I know I gave no warnings. Don't rethink it, it was better than what I had in mind.
I had in mind blaming you for every time you made me feel like I am not enough.
I had in mind hurting you emotionally like you did by making you feel you are no special, beside being no good.

You didn't even bother to tell me why, and I know too well that was not because you hated me, yet because you knew what you are worth. You knew what have you done to me for years.

I am not damaged and I can't feel the pain, I feel much better actually. I just regret what I spent with you.
What a waste of time!

I am gonna fix myself and I am working on it. That was my promise to myself the moment I decided to leave.

Don't expect me to come back..
I didn't do all of that for nothing. I didn't just cut you out, I cut out every single negative thing you left in my mind and my place.
I have burned our memories, even physically. I even threw out the ashes.

So please next time, when you make another friends, remember that I left suddenly and they will surely do. You will be alone and ugly, and that is what you are.

You are an ugly soul, and I don't regret telling you that.

Thanks but no thanks, my darling.

It is the end of an era.