Struggles

Another world!

I have got a world inside my head.

I may appear pure and with nothing on my mind, yet I have got a war inside.

I cut myself, you know nothing of that except seeing the scars and wondering what they are.

I am sometimes unbearable, but that is who I am. I fight with no explanations, I get too attached or get too far. I have no in between.

I always fight for no reason. I get angry at small things and start to argue and quarrel. They don't understand how tiny issues affect me, but they do. They greatly do.

I wish I were less overthinking but not with less imagination.

I dream about EVERYTHING, it makes me gloomy, delighted, or scared.

Gloomy if anything possibly goes wrong or not as it should be.
Delighted if everything is perfectly arranged.
Scared of the future, scared of the real world.

I truly never wished to live inside the utterly dull world outside my head. Everything is out of order.

Sometimes I know my order is wrong. On the other hand, I still enjoy it, I am still holding to my world.

As a kick off, my boyfriend is sick of my stubbornness, and I wish he could understand.

My family is so sick,too. They just do not comprehend.
They don't understand why and how do I imagine everything so perfect that I need to rebel once or twice.

I need to feel alive.

It is really frightening that when I return to the real world, I find myself wrong. I start to think that I should get back to it.
Whatever, sometimes I don't even care.

It is not that I don't care about my parents when I don't see them for a while and I don't even call, it is just that I am happy, I am carefree.

I am alive in my own world.

Sometimes I don't call my bestfriend, other times I am so jealous of her other friends that I call her everyday. I have no in between.

Dear all, I care about you so much and I truly love you, it is just that I appreciate myself.

I appreciate my secret world.