Blue // Daniel Seavey

Prologue

The definition of a reflection; the throwing back by a body or surface of light, heat, or sound without absorbing it.

The legitimate definition is something completely different to mine. Trash. That's my immediate thought as I take one glance in the mirror. Absolute fucking trash. Not once have I been able to gather up the courage from deep inside of me and call myself a worthy person. There's a simple explanation for it. And that's because I'm not. If I were to say there was at least a shred of good within me, I would be lying.

I'm not fond of lies.

Standing here, staring at myself as I rest my palms on the soothing cold metal of the sink, I find a fiery rage burning at the back of my ice blue eyes, my chest rapidly heaving up and down. Without blinking an eye, my hand rises from the sink, my fist forcefully plunging into the thing people simply call a mirror, but to me, it isn't just a mirror, it's something sickeningly horrible to exist. It's something that shows my true self, and when my reflection stares back at me, all I see is an image filled with flaws, hundreds and hundreds of flaws that make up the whole of me. True imperfection.

As I hear the sound of glass shattering, the shards colliding with the floor, I take a deep breath and close my eyes; it's like music to my ears. Destroying things is what I like to do. Or what appears I like to do. Looking into the damaged mirror, I catch my reflection staring back at me once again. Although the image is distorted, it's as if it describes me even more perfectly. Broken. Completely and utterly broken.

My eyes are the scariest thing about my reflection - the main thing that terrorizes me with the fear of giving a mirror my gaze. No matter how hard you try to not look at them, to ignore them, you'll find it impossible to do so. Their blue isn't the shade that makes you feel at ease, the shade that makes you want to float in an ocean, it's the piercing shade which have a severe coldness within them, making you feel like you're trapped under a thick ground of ice, as if you're being held hostage, and no amount of crying or screaming for help will get you out. Because you're hopeless.

Realising what I've just done, I immediately turn on the cold water, letting it wash away the fresh blood that is quickly escaping my knuckles. I wish the water could wash me away with it.

Do I sound like a fucked person with a fucked up head? Because if you think so, I would say you're right. There's a reason which partly contributes to my messed-up-ness, however, I can't go into details about that now. There's no time. I need to focus on cleaning this mess up. Maybe breaking a bathroom mirror at school on the first day back after summer break wasn't the best idea, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

For fuck's sake.

'It is what it is'. That's my motto. Or, to be realistic, it's my fake motto which gives me my fake persona - the popular guy who doesn't give a fuck. But there's only one person who knows the truth, the truth that I, in fact, do care about the consequences to my actions. And that one person is me. I can pretend I don't care as I walk away without looking back, letting my feelings drown inside of me as I silently suffer. I care! But no one cares enough to see that!

Shaking my head while the cold water continues to wash over my hand, I hear the bathroom door fling open, causing me to snap my head in its direction.

"Dude, what the fuck have you done now?" My 'friend' asks - in that judgmental voice of his - as he rushes over to me. My other 'friend', follows behind him, eyes wide in shock.

Notice the quote marks? I call them my friends, but the truth is, I don't really care for them. They're just my support in this school; if I get tired legs, I can rest my back against them to keep me standing. That's all they're for. Although I don't personally consider them my friends, they're the only two people I will talk to because I'm for sure as hell not a people person. I think everyone in this fucking place knows that. I don't know why the two still stick by me, perhaps for the popularity.