Blue // Daniel Seavey

Chapter 29

Daniel

Acrid, pungent, revolting: is the smell of sweat. The rank, repulsing scent of the disgusting thing itself heavily pervades the atmosphere around me, while it also pours down my forehead, my back, my chest, drenching all my skin completely; I feel as if I'm bathing in a pool of musky sweat. You'd think that all of this would have the ability to remove the thought of her from my mind, but fuck, it does not.

Right now, I should be in Physics class, but instead, I'm skipping that shit and lying here on a damn bench press, trying to wear myself out until I can't feel anymore - physically and emotionally- just so I don't have the chance to sit down and think about her. Because I know if I was simply sat in a science class, my mind would easily be distracted by the roaming wild thoughts. Of her.

Goddammit, get the fuck out of my head!

Becoming angered with myself by how I'm letting her affect me to this extent, I begin to lift the heavy set of weights from my chest much faster, my face immediately screwing up in pain. The salty droplets of sweat pouring from my soaked hair invade my eyes, forming a sharp sting.

Pain. Focus on that pain. Not her. But the goddamned, fucking pain.

After a few minutes of torturing myself with agonizing pain, I learn that doing this shit is futile and I'm only causing my muscles so much grief for nothing. I'm not able to forget about her: face it. Running my hand down my face in annoyance, while also wiping the sweat away, I stand up from the bench, my chest heaving, gulp down half a bottle of water, and begin making my way to the showers.

Maybe a scorching shower will do it.

Stepping into the shower stall, I quickly remove my sweat-soaked clothes, turning up the heat of the water to hot-hot. As it reaches my ideal temperature, I step underneath the shower head, letting the extra hot water cascade down my body, washing away the sweat from my precious work-out. The hotness instantly forms a soothing effect on my body.

I deeply think about the water running down my body, a certain hope in my mind that it's washing away my feelings. But of course, that wouldn't work. Knowing the thought of her is pressing right at the back of my head, I reach for the nozzle, increasing the temperature a fraction.

I let the now even hotter water run directly down my hair and face, trying my damn hardest to focus on the water and the water only. Shaking my head, I attempt to push the urging thought away.

Don't let her do this.

This isn't you, Daniel.

You don't spend your own time thinking deeply about girls.

You're a fuckboy, nothing else.

Feelings? What the fuck are they?

If it's just lust, then yeah.

But you know it isn't just that.

So you're scared.

And your walls that you've spent so much time and effort building up are now easily being knocked down, destroyed, by one, simple girl.

The one girl that's you've also spent so much time and effort on trying to convince yourself that she doesn't matter. That's she's no one.

But you're a wise guy and you know the difference between the truth and a lie.

Her meaning nothing to you? That's a fucking lie.

But I'm not supposed to feel things. I'm Daniel Seavey.