Blue // Daniel Seavey

Chapter 26

Tori

Sitting in the deafening silence of the car, I steal short glances from the boy sat beside me, a heavy intensity filling the air around us. Twiddling my thumbs, I ponder the events that have just happened in the last few minutes.

I can't believe I did that.

I can't believe I let him kiss me.

Now that it's done, I know there's no going back. I can't waste time on thinking about regrets, because it's already happened. As much as I want to get rid of the hesitant thoughts in my brain, to just come to terms with what happened, I keep asking myself the question: why did I let him?

I had no choice.

Yes, you did.

He kissed me unexpectedly, what was I supposed to do?

You could've pushed him away.

No, I couldn't. He's too strong.

Well, besides that, you kissed him back.

Only for a minute.

There's no denying it, Tori. Listen to what he said: stop lying to yourself.

It isn't a lie.

Yes, it is. Cut the bullshit.

Taking a deep breath, trying to get the loud, debating voices out of my head, I lean back against the headrest as my eyes begin to feel heavy.

Daniel

Damn. I got what I've been waiting for, what I've been longing for. The wait was hard, frustrating and almost... painful, but as I sit here, her taste lingering on my lips, I know it was completely worth it.

She is worth it.

I know I shouldn't have done what I did, and that's because I was certain that she didn't want it; she doesn't want me. But I couldn't bear waiting any longer, it was excruciating. Looking at her every day and having to not do anything, to not be able to touch her, it was so... so... fucking exasperating.

I'm not a person to hold back. I'm blunt, straight forward, and I do what I want when I want it. I can't control myself. For anything. And she brings that to a whole other goddamned level. I should be controlling myself, because if I don't, I'll end up doing something bad, really bad. But I didn't. I couldn't control myself, so I kissed her.

It was selfish.

The surprising thing is that she didn't push me away - she didn't say no. I expected her to respond harshly, maybe even punch me in the face, I could see it happening in my head. When I took the risk of crashing my lips onto hers, I was a hundred percent sure that it wouldn't last long enough for my craving to be relieved, but no, I was lucky enough for her to not push me off. Instead, she kissed me back. And as soon as she did, I knew I had to withdraw, or else I would've wanted things to go further, and I don't want to do that to her. I don't want her thinking that I'm just a boy who wants to fuck; I was one, but not now, not with her, she's different.

There's a tingle on my lips that just won't go away.

She was sweet and soft. It's the complete opposite to her personality: feisty and fiery. But as satisfied as I am, it's still just a taste, just a little piece of her, and I won't stop trying to earn more until she's gladly given me everything she has.

Shaking all these thoughts out of my head, I turn up the radio slightly to try and take my mind off of her. But that's hard to do when my eyes keep automatically drawing towards her, stealing short glances as she sits there quietly, fast asleep. A small smile appears on my face as I watch how peaceful she is - her eyes closed, her lips parted, her damp hair falling in front of her face, her chest taking slow rises and falls. She's quiet when she's asleep - when she's not able to fucking shout at me.