Live in the Moment - Lashton

Chapter Twenty-two

Chapter Twenty-two

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Luke sat on the edge of his bed, his shoulders were tense and his leg was shaking. On the way home from the hospital Ashton had insisted that they stop and get a sandwich each to keep them going for the remainder of the journey before they pick up Theo.

"This needs to stop Luke. You need to think about how this is affecting you. What about Theo? You need to do this for him."

Luke just shook his head and rubbed his throat, still sore from the small bit of bile Ashton hadn't prevented him from throwing up. "You don't understand," he whispered, his voice hoarse and cracking.

"I know I don't Luke. But we're getting you a therapist and there are so many people out there that can. All you need to do is eat. It's such a natural process."

"It's not!" Luke screamed back at him frustrated. "Food isn't natural!"

Ashton shook his head confused. "Apples are natural, carrots are natural. Herbs, anything like that."

Luke gripped the bedsheets. Ashton did not understand. Luke didn't think anyone could understand. He finally let a tear fall.

"Luke," Ashton whispered, dropping Luke's bag and sitting beside him. He wrapped his arms around the frail man, embracing him tightly. "Explain this to me, Luke. Explain it all. Convince me to become like you."

Luke let his head fall onto Ashton's shoulders. "I couldn't do that to you, it's horrible." His voice was hoarse and he really needed a drink, something nicer than water to stop him from trembling.

"I don't care Luke. I need to understand this. Not just to protect you, but also Theo. If anything ever happens to us — and you never get better — I couldn't live with myself knowing I've left that poor by with you. We've come so far, Theo is healthy now. He's content and eats like a normal six-year-old. If this were to change again Luke— I think it would kill him this time."

Clenching his eyes shut, hurt, Luke mumbled. "I wouldn't put him through that again. Only myself. I'd never hurt him."

"But you're lying Luke. I notice how on edge you are when he eats a carrot and how tears form in your eyes when I give him some sweets. You want to take the food away from him, you want to starve him. I need to understand you Luke, so I can get you help and protect your son."

Luke looked down at the carpet, they were old and dirty. He'd been living here for five years and had never once had them washed. "Okay," he whispered. "Maybe we can go out tonight, I'm sure mum will have Theo for another night, a date?"

"Luke I need you to tell me, on a date you'll just panic and—"

"We can go for a meal, I'll pay and you can choose whatever meal and I'll talk you through every thought and feeling I have about the food on the menu, the food in front of me. You can experience what is going through my mind."

Ashton remained silent, he hoped Luke would stay true to his word, and then he could help him. "You promise? I don't want you to freak out and close up on me."

Luke bit his lip and nodded. "I promise." Luke could feel a tingling sensation within his body, a sense of panic rising. He knew that it was for the best that he opened up about this, what they have diagnosed as a disorder but it felt odd.

Ashton sensed the blonde growing tenser and roughly placed his hand on the blonde's chest and pushed him so his back was lead on the bed.

"Ashton—" Luke muttered taken aback. But the elder ignored him and continued.

He let his arms hold him up so he was hovering over the smaller man but slowly brought his face in closer until his nose was touching the blondes. The warmth of one another breath provided them with comfort and fuel to advance further.

Ashton was very obviously avoiding his lips. He was pressing lingering kisses against pretty much everything else he could reach. Luke's jaw, his neck, his cheeks — it was all fair game. His breath was against the skin just beneath his ear as his hands are skating against the coarse skin of his boyfriend's stomach under his shirt, occasionally scraping down his side in long scratches.

Hands curled tightly into Ashton's mess of hair, Luke breathed hard into the edge of his curls. Luke knows Ashton would leave marks he doesn't want, but he really doesn't want to stop the feeling of his teeth against his skin either.

His fingers tracing the blonde's ribs Ashton pulled away before his teeth could leave their mark. The teacher pushed himself off of the bed, looking down at the blonde who led their limply, ready. He sighed and left the room, slowly walking down the stairs.

Ashton's eyes began to grow warm as tears threatened to spill.

Luke slowly sat up from where he lay and frowned with disappointment. Having Ashton hovering over him like that excited him and he couldn't understand what he had done wrong.

He was uncertain whether to follow after him or wait. Sliding his hands up and down his thighs, the blonde slowly stood up and walked out to the landing where he expected to find Ashton. However, he ended up finding his sons teacher in the kitchen, a glass of water in his hand.

Ashton looked up and Luke and smiled sadly.

"I was enjoying that!" Luke laughed faintly, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I was too," Ashton whispered.

"Then why didn't you continue, I wanted to if that was the issue?"

Ashton shook his head and put the glass down. He felt a pang of heartache rise up to his throat. He beckoned Luke closer and cupped his cheeks, planting a small kiss on his lips. "I really want to Luke but I don't think I can," he said his voice breaking.

"I don't get it?" Luke stated, confused and frustrated.

"I really do like you Luke, you know that. But just seeing or feeling your body— your tiny Luke and it feels so wrong to act in such a way to you. You are so vulnerable and weak—"

"Physically maybe, but I can handle it, Ashton. Don't make me sound like that—"

"I'm sorry Luke. I don't like you any less, I just can't do this right now. Maybe in a month or two, but not right now."

Luke groaned in frustration and kicked the cupboard.

"Luke!" Ashton exclaimed, concerned he had injured his foot. But, the blonde ignored him and hurried toward the stairs.

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