Still Here [Fillie]

The Difficulties

Finn's POV

"So are you actually gay?" I ask the young boy who sat right in front of me. It two days after the New Years Eve party at Gaten's and the third day of twenty nineteen. Noah and I were sitting in my basement waiting for the others to show up. I had a few questions for Noah, so while we were alone together I figured that I'd talk to him and ask. He shrugs awkwardly and puts his hands in his lap. "I don't know. I mean I kissed you that night because we were trying to confuse everyone, not because I like you as more than a friend." He explained.

I nodded and sat up straight beside him on the couch. "But why me? Why not Gaten or Caleb?" I begin to thoroughly examine. Noah shrugs with a bite of his lip. "Because Caleb was a girlfriend, whom is now pregnant, and Gaten is working on getting a girlfriend. Plus me and you haven't really done anything together in awhile." The young brunette started. I nod lightly. It's been a while since I've done anything with my friends. I've been isolating myself from all of them over some girl. I'm such a fool.

"Why are you interrogating me anyways? You said you would do it with me." He adds. There was a reason why I was asking all of this now. I can't get what Caleb said out of my head, that Noah might be gay. I'm not homophobic, I just wanted to know if Noah likes me and if that's why he asked me to be his New Years kiss. "Well I don't know. I'm sorry, I'll stop asking." I shamefully look the other way. I probably made him uncomfortable now with all my dumb questions. "No Finn, it's okay. I'm-... I think I like boys." Noah admits under his breath.

I turn to look back at him and he nods. My lips twitch into a smile. "I mean I really like boys. I actually kissed a boy over the summer while you were away at camp, but nobody knows. I'm just so scared to tell everyone." He added. My smile grew larger as I scoot closer to him and put a hand on his knee. "Don't be so scared. I'm sure everyone will be accepting and kind, even your parents. There are lots of gay people nowadays." I assure the boy. He shakes his head. "But what if nobody else likes me? You have a bully at school and what if he comes after me now?"

I shake my head. I don't think Jacob would go after people who just exist and are different, he's got a reason for why he bullies me. It may be a ridiculous reason and his punishments may want me to curl up in a ball and forget that I'm alive sometimes, but it's his reason. "Noah relax. Nothing bad is going to happen to you and I'll be the one to make sure of it. If you need help or if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for you." I stated. He grins softly and it's quiet for a moment.

Noah put his hand on the side of my face and rubbed his fingers over my cheekbones. His smile fades as he bites his bottom lip and then, he kisses me. His lips felt cold and chapped, just like hers. But she's dead. I shouldn't do this, it reminds me too much of her. I roughly pull my lips away from Noah's and he looks at me in shock. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He says before moving away from me and to the other side of the couch. I slowly bring my knees up to my chest and hug them tightly. What just happened?

The door to the basement opens and I hear people coming down the stairs. "What's up dudes? How are we doing this year?" Gaten questions before coming to sit down between Noah and I. Caleb and Sadie looked unhappy and annoyed with each other as they were quietly bickering to each other. I furrow my eyebrows and nudge Gaten's arm.

"What happened to them?" I whisper as Sadie was talking with her hands and Caleb was shaking his head. They seemed happy the other day. "Oh, they're arguing about names for the baby. It seems ridiculous since Sadie is only about a month pregnant and hasn't even told her parents yet, but it's honestly couple goals." My friend beside me explained.

"Finn, can we name our child after you if it's a boy?" Sadie asks while crossing her arms over her chest. I raise my brows. I feel honored to have a child named after me. "I didn't say Finn specifically, I meant any of our friends." "Well Finn is just an example here so chill babe." They debate. So they're not naming the baby after me? Aw, I thought I was special. "Caleb we have almost nine months until this baby is here, can we talk about names later?" The red head questions. Her boyfriend took a deep breath and nodded before Sadie gave him a thumbs up.

"I'm sorry, I'm just really excited to be a dad." Caleb confessed sadly. Watching them makes me a bit emotional. I wish I had a girlfriend. I felt something in my heart once I said that in my head. "I know baby, but he'll be here sooner than you think so just relax and take it slow for me please." I felt something watery and heavy in my eyes. I can't cry, I've moved on. I can't do this right now.

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