Still Here [Fillie]

The Arm

Good morning, afternoon, and evening ladies, gentlemen, and non binary pals. A long time ago while I was planning this book I had written a note that said "each stage of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) was to have five chapters based around each stage and sandwiched between two flashbacks."
Ex:
-The Rose (flashback)
-The Travel (1st Denial chapter)
-The Denial (2nd Denial chapter)
-The Telekinesis (3rd Denial chapter)
-The Realization (4th Denial chapter
-The Visit (5th Denial chapter)
-The Birthday (flashback)
Now for the anger chapters I HAD written originally 5 chapters but one sadly got deleted for some strange reason. Since then I've been trying really really hard to work on it again and recently I have so consider this a lost chapter. Ladies, gentlemen, and non binary pals, The Arm
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Finn's POV

I was sitting in my room playing guitar and waiting for dinner to be made. I was not in a good mood today and the only thing that's been keeping me sane is music. This whole week after Millie's funeral has been super hard on me and I don't wanna hurt anybody so I've mainly kept myself in my room and away from everyone. When I'm not in my room and I try to interact with my family, I easily snap and go off on them. I don't mean to, but it just happens and I can't help it.

"Finn! Get down here!" My father screams from downstairs. I roll my eyes before sitting my guitar down on my bed and getting up. I lazily shuffle down the stairs and into the living room where my dad was. He stood there with a pair of my muddy old shoes dangling from his hands by the laces. I shrug. "What? They're dirty." I say.

My father shook his head as he held them up and pointed to the bottoms. "They are in fact dirty. You know what isn't dirty? The floor that your mother spent almost a whole day vacuuming and sweeping and mopping and what have you done all day, huh? Where did you go to get the bottom of your shoes this dirty?" I knew that if I told them where I was they would throw a fit. I just wanted to see her at her grave again and tell her that I still cared about her.

"You went to the graveyard again." "Of course I went to the damn graveyard! It's been over a month since she died and a week since her funeral, do you think I'm not going to pay my respects!? You're all just so full of yourselves and you don't care about Millie in the way I do!"

My face felt hot after my outburst and I took a few breaths to calm myself. I don't feel like I could ever be calm again, I've been holding this in for awhile. "Finn you don't talk to us like that! We're your parents and we're just concerned about you!" My mother joins in and I turn around to face her. Concerned? Yeah, I don't think so. "Oh sure, you two are so worried about my whereabouts and what I do when I'm not around you guys all the time. Unlike you and dad, I actually miss Millie."

"We get that son, but you need to just forget about her. She's dead, do you hear me? Dead." Dad says. His words echoed in my head as I felt rage bubbling within me. How dare he say something like that to me? Does he not know what I've been through? I spotted a vanilla scented candle sitting on a side table. I grab it and throw it at my dad forcefully. It hit his arm and he let out loud shrieks. "I know she's dead you asshole!" I scream at him as tears start streaming down my hot wet face and my dad holds his wrist in pain.

What is wrong with me? "Finn, what the heck is wrong with you!?" My mother questions before rushing over to my dad who kneels on the floor. I heard footsteps running down the stairs and turn around to see my brother Nick scoping the scene. He looks at me as I cry and sob while trying to explain everything, but I could hardly get a word out. "Buddy hey, don't get too upset." He attempts to calm me down and brings me into a hug. I cry into his chest while my parents get up from sitting on the floor.

"We're going to the hospital. Try not to set the house on fire while we're out, Finn." My mom says as she walks past my brother and I. House! Fire! How dare she!? "You bitch! I'll kill you! How dare you!" I scream as I try to wiggle out of Nick's arms to hit my mom. It was too late, they had already left and it was just Nick and I. "Finn calm down kid! It's okay!" He remarks as he struggles to keep me still.

I just cry and look up at him. "Why does it hurt so much!?" I question. He sighs sadly and uses his thumb to wipe my tears. "I don't know bud. Maybe you just need to relax." My brother says. I take a few deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. He's right, I really do need to relax. I just don't understand why I'm super angry and why I have to take it out on my family. I never want to hurt my family, I love them. But maybe I love Millie more.