Reaper's Lullaby

Nora: Belonging

"Clasp me close in your warm young arms,
While the pale stars shine above,
And we'll live our whole young lives away
In the joys of a living love."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Nora held the handful of pills in her open palm. Every now and then she thought, heroin. I am holding heroin and I am taking heroin and this will kill me. But those moments of lucidity were becoming fewer and farther between.

She'd just received another lecture about losing her science notes and being unable to study for a quiz tomorrow. What her parents didn't seem to understand was that she didn't want to go to college. She wanted to be free... free from expectations, free from responsibility, free from constantly feeling like a failure. She wanted to travel and see new places, settle down in some exciting city, maybe become a photographer or freelance writer, observing life and capturing it in its rawest form.

Her dreams were simple, but her parents' dreams for her sounded stressful, monotonous and boring. The last thing she needed was more anxiety. Already her nerves were tight, her muscles sore from clenching them unconsciously, her head cloudy with a million what if's.

Nora's bedroom door opened suddenly, and she quickly closed the pills in her fist, heart racing. It was her mother.

"Hi, Nora," she said, sitting on the bed beside her.

"Hey," Nora said softly, not looking at her. She didn't have to look to know. She could easily picture Dana's round face etched with worry, her dark wet hair braided down her back, like it was every night before she went to bed. When she woke up, beautiful curls would frame her face. Nora kept her own hair long and straight. It was too much trouble to do anything with it.

"I just wanted to check on you, make sure you're okay."

Nora fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Fine."

"I know we were hard on you earlier, but we're just trying to do what's best for you. You have to stop being so spacey. Come back to reality. Your life is coming up fast, and you'll never be ready for it if you can't pay attention to the most basic of details."

Nora sighed. "I said I was sorry," she mumbled.

Dana placed a gentle hand on her back and stood up to leave. Once she was gone, Nora crushed one of the pills and snorted it.

***********

The downtown club was small, smoky, loud and packed wall to wall with sweaty people. Nora held tightly to Lucas's hand as they weaved their way to the front where the stage was. Somehow they managed to keep hold of the drinks they'd just paid an older guy to buy for them.

"Good thing we're skinny little nothings," Nora said as they found the edge of the mosh pit.

Lucas took a swig of his beer. "Finally, some perks."

He had been acting different since their fight. Distant, wary, suspicious even. Nora knew she could make things right again by giving up the drug, but it was helping her too much to even consider going back to life without it.

The opening set had just ended. They hadn't bothered getting in the mosh pit then. Risking injury was only worth it if you really loved the band.

"If I squint maybe I can see their faces!" Nora said.

She had spent hours on her eye makeup and now viewed everything through a crusty forest of mascara. Her long blue hair hung in barrel curls over her shoulders. She looked as unlike herself as possible. Instead of boot cut jeans and flannel shirts over tees, she had on a sexy black corset paired with dark gray skinny jeans. She had wanted Lucas's attention, and now she had it.