Reaper's Lullaby

Nora: Good Girl

"The bad part of being numb is there will come a time when you'll want to feel something but won't know how."
- unknown

Nora didn't want to take those pills. Nora wouldn't take those pills. But she would worry, worry, worry about Lucas across the street, so sick, in so much pain, and she couldn't help taking those pills.

She didn't get an update the whole week, and when she went to his door on Monday morning, Sarah opened it and told her Lucas was still sick.

"Will he be okay?" Nora asked nervously.

"He'll be just fine. He's sleeping a little more now and able to keep down some food and water. He's feeling better everyday. I'll keep you updated."

Nora turned to leave, crushed that she couldn't see Lucas, but Sarah called her name.

"Nora?"

"Yeah?" Nora asked hopefully, turning around.

"Were you taking drugs too?" Sarah asked.

Nora shook her head vehemently. "No ma'am."

Sarah smiled. "Always a good girl. You stay strong okay?"

Nora nodded, but tears were flooding her eyes. She hated herself for the automatic lie. There was Lucas, willing to face it head on, and then there she was, trapped inside the shell of a Good Girl. She had always been that way; too scared to disagree, to speak up, to be herself, to go her own way. She had always lived in safe shadows. Early on her parents had taught her that if she just did what everyone wanted, she could make everyone happy. The grades, the responsibility, the perfectionism... they were tools she had always used to hide from anything scary. Sometimes she wondered who she really was.

Lucas used drugs to feel nothing. Nora used drugs to feel anything.

A few days later, Nora came home from school to the sound of voices in the kitchen. No one had heard her so she lingered at the bottom of the stairs listening. One voice belonged to Sarah. The other belonged to her own mother, Dana.

"Lucas told me they were dating. So sweet," Sarah said.

"Well no spoiler there. We've all seen this coming since they were babies. Oh wait, do you think they're having sex?" Dana asked nervously, whispering the last word even though they thought they were alone.

"No idea. But they're smart kids. They know to use protection," Sarah said. "I could never ask Lucas. He blushed so red when I asked about them dating. I told Brian to give him the talk when he starts feeling better."

"I hope they're being safe. Lucas has made some very questionable decisions lately."

"Which he's still paying for, Dana," Sarah said sharply.

"I know. I don't mean anything by that. I just can't believe it! Right after Eric died the way he did!"

"I've thought about it, and I think it's Lucas's way of trying to connect with Eric, to understand why this happened. Part of me thinks he wanted to get addicted so he could understand why his dad left him for drugs."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No. I just sense it. It's very out of character for him to do this sort of thing. He's never even gotten drunk at a party, and now he's on opiates? Doesn't make sense."

"At least Nora's not doing the same thing," Dana said.

"How do you know that?" Sarah asked.

"Because she's smart and responsible. She gets good grades and has never gotten into trouble."