Reaper's Lullaby

Gus: Snappin' Up

"The worst nightmares are experienced with eyes wide awake."
- midara

Gus's meth high had gone from euphoric to terrifying after what had happened in his tent. Monstrous hallucinations, haunting memories of Adam, and paranoid delusions kept him up until Ida gave him something. Some pill. Said it would relax him after what had happened. Instead it knocked him out, which was even better. He could never think about it again. Another memory locked away, buried deep. His subconscious was becoming so full he could barely close the door anymore.

Then he was dreaming, dreaming about Adam.

Gus knew what Adam was doing to make money. It was obvious. What he didn't know was why Adam was lying to him about it.

"I need to do what you do," Gus said to him one night while they were sitting underneath their usual bridge, waiting for the others to get back with food.

"Whatchu mean?" Adam asked.

Gus was annoyed. His intention had been to catch Adam off guard by letting him know he knew his secret, but Adam was still lying.

"You know what I mean."

"No I don't."

Anger flared inside of Gus. Adam was treating him like a child, like when they first met, like he didn't know anything, and that bothered him. It hurt too. Hadn't he proven himself by now?

It had been two years since they'd met. During that time Gus had contributed to the group by running drugs for Doc, but Doc had been arrested last week. Ever since then, the streets had been tense. There was word the cops had planted a snitch, which they often did. A cop would get ahold of some addict and bribe them to buy drugs so they could catch the dealer in action. No one knew who the snitch was, though. And everyone was a suspect.

Doc's little brother, DF, had stepped up to take his place, but business had faltered in the aftermath and everyone was nervous. There weren't any runs, and they were all feeling the pinch. Gus needed to do something to make money. Fast.

"Come on, Adam. Don't lie to me," Gus said.

Adam shook his head before quietly admitting the truth by saying, "You don't wanna do that, Gus."

"It can't be that bad if you do it," Gus countered.

"It is. You have a choice. I don't no more, but you do."

"Why you say you don't got a choice no more?" Gus asked.

Adam's face was serious. "I'm too hooked on the Crystal. Plus, when you do that, Gus, you don't come back. That's the end of the line. You're different after that. No one wants you."

"What about Hex?" Gus asked.

"Hex understands because she does it too. Most girls ain't like that. She's special," Adam said.

"I still want you," Gus said softly.

Adam took a deep breath and looked at him, smiling sadly. "You shouldn't."

"Why?"

"You just shouldn't."

But he didn't move away when Gus rested his head on his shoulder.