Reaper's Lullaby

Gus: What Happened

Author's Note/Warning: This chapter contains a rape scene that is the most disturbing scene I have ever written. Though it is not extremely graphic, it still had me in a bad place for hours. If you know this is a trigger for you, you might want to skip it or get into a good frame of mind before attempting to read. You know what you can handle.

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"I don't remember what it's like to not feel broken."
-Unknown

After showering and washing the piss out of his clothes, Gus spent the day panhandling and snatching a couple of wallets in the touristy sections of L.A. With them, he bought himself a sleeping bag, some new clothes, a blanket, a tent and new shoes. He also bought himself a new drawing pad and art supplies. He tossed the wallets into two dumpsters that were miles apart and then made his way back to Skid Row.

With the cash he'd made while panhandling, Gus scored plenty of Ice and crack and also bought a handgun and bullets from one of the hustlers to protect himself like Ida did.

After that he walked a few streets over to a gas station. He knew exactly what he was looking for here, and it wasn't food or water. Gas stations sometimes sold miniature roses in glass bulbs, which were perfect meth pipes. There were a few left at the counter, and Gus bought all of them. Later, he'd rip out the flowers and fill the glass bulbs with crystal. Then when they were too burnt he could break the bulbs off to use the tube portions as crack pipes. All for less than five bucks.

"For someone special?" asked the cashier, and Gus smirked, taking the bag she handed him.

"Super special," he said.

All in all, he'd done well on his first day and still had twenty bucks left over for food and water. He couldn't help but feel pretty smug about his success.

But where to pitch the tent? Night was falling fast. He didn't want to make the same mistake twice and unknowingly squat on someone else's spot.

Gus walked up and down the long stretch of sidewalk before finally finding a small empty place between two other tents. There, he set to work putting the tent together. His neighbors stared at him but didn't say anything, and he didn't say anything to them either. He took that as a sign that they were okay with him being here.

Ida walked by as Gus was unpacking all of his stuff from the trash bag and throwing it inside. She was holding a drink and a large McDonald's bag spotted with grease.

"You're doin' a lot better already," she said, smiling.

Gus stood up proudly. "Yep. Told you I could survive out here."

"Why don't you come over for dinner? I got more than I can eat."

For the moment, Gus's empty stomach overrode his sense of distrust.

"You got chicken nuggets?" he asked hopefully.

"Yep. Fries too."

Gus glanced back at his tent. "So it's okay to just leave this here?"

"You shoulda got a lock for the zippers, but for now just take the important stuff with you. Get used to being robbed. If you have anything that matters to you, carry it all the time. That's a lesson I learned the hard way."

Gus took the drugs and his book. The gun slipped his mind. Back in Chicago he had counted on Hex, who always held their weapons, to protect him. Shaggy had been a good shot too and backed her up if she needed it. On the flip side, Adam missed every shot he ever took and Ember was too scared to touch a gun. Gus had practiced a couple of times himself but took after Adam too. He'd never needed his own weapon and in truth had forgotten he'd even bought the gun today.