Unlike Loki

Chapter 53

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(Loki)

When I woke up, the first thing I did was look towards the large bay windows that lead to the balcony. To my relief, there was still the tiniest bit of light left. For a moment, I had been worried that I had missed Anna's funeral. But, surely, someone would have woken me up.

I got up and went to my now damaged wardrobe. I eyed the mark on the door suspiciously. I absolutely had to find out who had done this to Anna. There was no doubt. I opened the door, looking for something nice. I chose an all black outfit, with gold accents at the wrists and across the chest. It's what I would have worn if I had gotten the chance to attend my mother's funeral. I pulled half of my hair up, letting the rest cascade around my shoulders. I put on black gloves that had small grips on the palm. I laced up my boots and headed out the door.

The physician was waiting for me.

"You look very handsome, sire." He looked me up and down.

I nodded my head at him in appreciation. "Shall we?" He asked.

"Not yet. There's still some time before the funeral. There's something I need to do. I'll meet you down there." And I walked away. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it earlier, of going to see her.

I almost had to keep myself from running, I was so anxious.

She lived just outside the castle, in a place very few people knew about. But I did. But only because my mother had taken me there a few times when I was very young, when she wanted to talk to someone about magic. I used to go there if I was angry at Odin or Thor and if my mother wasn't around. And because they didn't know about it. Her house, the scent of the place, and her soothing words had never ceased to calm me, to put my back on my feet and back on the right path.

It had been so, so many years.

When I was on her front door step, I was ever so slightly out of breath. I raised my hand but the door swing open before I even had the chance to knock.

"Loki! Oh, my! I was hoping you'd stop by soon." Said a little old woman, with an array of colors dressing her and gnatty brown hair that was starting to gray. Her tan face shined and gave in to the many wrinkles that covered her mouth and eyes.

She looked exactly the same as I remembered her.

She invited me in, the smell of cinnamon hitting my nose, making me take a deep breath.

"Come! Come and sit, I know you don't have much time." She smiled at me sadly and invited me to sit on a rotting yellow couch. I carefully sat down, and found that it was rather comfortable.

"What do I owe this wonderful treat?" she patted my cheek fondly. "It's been such a long time, and you've grown into such a handsome young man." She smiled wide.

I smiled back at Lady Maleah. "I think you know exactly why I'm here, Maly." the nickname slipped from my lips before I could catch it; it's what I used to call her when I was a child. I hoped she didn't notice my cheeks redden in embarrassment.

She flashed a wide grin at me again. "Of course I do, but I want you to say it." She was standing my a large cauldron, mixing something inside. She had always seemed to be making something. Some potion or mix or powder.

I guess that's what witches were supposed to do.

I looked down at my feet and rubbed my hands together. "Why?"

"Why what, dearest?"

"Why do I feel such an obligation to keep her safe? Why do I have feelings towards her? Why do I have any feelings at all for a girl I don't even know?" The words tumbled out, in a mess of thought and in a hurry. I felt like a child all over again.

Lady Maleah hurridely came and knelt down in front of me, so that she was sitting on her calves and so that her eyes were level with my chest. She quickly, but gingerly took my hands in hers. I was surprised by how soft they still were, considering her age. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

She was looking into my soul.

That's something else she did. She used to do it to me all the time as a child. To help me understand what I was truly feeling. And now, so many years later, I was back in her hands.

"Because Anna reminded you of yourself. Of the same pain and revenge you went through. You saw her suffer and in that suffering, you remembered your pain. The pain that reached to the depths of your soul and will never fully fade. You saw her strength and how her powers were not appreciated, but used. Again, you saw yourself." She paused, scrunching her eyebrows together. "As for the feelings, they are subconcious my child. An ideal soulmate is someone who can bring out the best in you, by being exactly like you and nothing like you all at the same time. You look at her differently than Asgardian women. She acts differently, with more confidence in her mind and strength than in her sex-appeal." She opened an eye to peak at me, giving me a tisk-tisk look. I rolled my eyes. "She intrigues you. You don't know her, but you want to. To know her and in turn, you want her to know you. You are scared because you've gotten yourself in the habit of so many things. Aggression, not listening, lusting, drinking, war, revenge, and so on. You're worried that you would hurt her. And even though you know it would be alright in the end, that she would be okay physically, you don't want to hurt her emotionally or mentally."

"But I don't want to love someone. You don't need love--"

"But you do. Everyone does. And don't you dare sit there and tell me that love is just a distraction or a weakness."

"I've loved before! I loved Thor and I loved Odin and I loved Sigyn! Look where that got me!" I yelled.

"Those loves made you stronger, taught you things. They weren't perfect, but all love needs work. You were just never willing to make it work."

"I did everything that was ever asked of me. I was the model child, the model brother, the model lover. But I was still never good enough. I was not strong enough or loud enough or enough of a leader." I bowed my head in frustration.

"Because you live in a harsh world, people will step on you, Loki." She put my chin in her hand. "You have to step out of the shadow and show that you can love, no matter what. What you did, instead, was put fear into people's hearts. Fear and hate." She looked at me with sad eyes, keeping my gaze.

"So, what? Anna was my soulmate then, and I just felt a cosmic attraction to her?"

Lady Maleah let go of me and stood up. "It's more complicated than that my child. But you have to fight for love. No matter the price. No matter if people tell you it's wrong or dangerous. You have to fight for what you love."

"Isn't that a little selfish?" I tried grinning at her, not very successfully.

"Not if, in the end, it makes you a better person. Sometimes you need to be a little selfish in this world." She patted me on the shoulder.

"So, Maly." I smiled at her and got up. "Put in simply for me. Why did I feel such feelings for a girl I didn't even know?" I eyed her, wanting the truth.

The color went from her cheeks ever so slightly. "Because you were made for each other."

And she pushed me out the door, so I wouldn't be late to the funeral of a girl who had been my only hope of redemption.