Falling for the surfer

Oh brother

* autumns POV *

I looked at the back and say Jayden sleeping god he's been getting so big he's growing up so fast he's going to be two soon I feel like we just celebrated his first birthday I still remember it it's burned in my memory I will never forget that.

I pull up too Josh's moms house and I wave josh goodbye I had to pack since were leaving but I wasn't ready to leave I don't know why but I want to stay but if I stay josh will get the wrong idea.

I drive to my old house funny how it's my old house when it's still very new I need to give Seth a chance with Jayden I need to stop pushing other guys to be the father figure to him when his father is present in his life I think switching Jayden will be for the best. Its still hard to leave him but I've had him longer than Seth has and it's not fair to him.

I drive up and pick up my sleepy baby I unlocked the front door and walked inside it was quiet I just hope he's not doing anything he's not supposed to because I don't know how I would handle that I go in my room and put Jayden down I close the door but not all the way it saddens me that me and Seth are separated I remember my last year I was with his dad I didn't even let brad get between us and I didn't want anyone else but Seth I just feel bad because I feel like I didn't give it my all when I had the chance too I dropped him so fast that it seemed like I didn't care but I did care I still do it was hard for me believe me it was but trust was a big thing for me and for what he's done in the past it took me a long time to trust him and yet he didn't even trust me.

That hurt me more than anything besides catching him in bed with another girl now that broke my heart because I wasn't even thinking about josh that way during that time I could feel my heart drop in my stomach it felt like it was being stomped on and shot at it was the worst pain.

I sat on the couch and read a note on the table.

Autumn if you get here before I do went to get take out be back soon

- Seth

I sighed my life was so busy with everything since day one I never get time to think all by myself I will always love him but what do I feel for josh is he another Sammy? I couldn't bear to think that way he's a sweetheart. But he doesn't need to be tied down with me and a son he just graduated he needs to live his life and go to college I can't have him feel like how Sammy felt he may say he's ready but he's not I know he's not because I'm not even ready.

All my friends are in college and I'm still living with my son no job because my parents and Seth's parents support me how sad is that? I haven't even thought of colleges because I'm too busy paying for diapers and baby cloths for my son.

I heard the door jiggle and I went back to reality I wondered what he needed to talk to me about.

" Hey" he smiled

" Hi need any help?" I asked he had a couple bags in his arms.

" Nah it's just dinner and groceries."

I watched him put the stuff away come on don't be weird you can do this make conversation remember he has a job autumn ask him about that!

" So how's the surf shop?"

" It's good getting really busy since it's summer still it'll slow down soon boss is still trying to hire more people."

There hiring maybe if I asked would that be weird I mean I need a job I can't rely on our parents for forever I need to save money anyways I want to put away money for Jayden I want him to go to college and for me for college.

" Do you think you can give me an application I need to start saving for college and then I want to start a bank account for Jayden I want him to go to college."