Kissing my Scars and Bruises

Chapter nine

"Mommy!" I ran up to mom.

She had her big suitcase full of clothes. There was a duffle bag on the suitcase and mom had a big purse slung over her shoulder.

"Mommy, where are you going?" I asked.

"Sweetie, mommy can't stand seeing you anymore, Mommy needs a break." Mom cooed.

Her voice was so soft and gentle but those words still hurt. I was six now, I understood things. Mommy was leaving because of me. I didn't want her to leave.

"No mommy, I love you, don't leave." I pleaded.

"Sadie, it's lunch time!" Father called from the kitchen.

"Please, mommy, I want you to stay with me." I stared into her green eyes.

Those eyes were just like mine. But sometimes, they grew dark. She would say things I knew she didn't mean. Always saying them to daddy. Never did she hurt me. That made it even harder for me to understand why she would leave because of me.

"I'll come back. I'll only be gone for a week. Promise." Mommy smiled.

"Okay, see you in a week." I smiled.

And with that, Mom walked out the door, leaving me for ten years. Leaving an emptiness at first. That emptiness was filled by challenging school work and imaginary friends.

Then when I turned ten, we moved to my dad's home town. We moved into Grammy's old house. She had went into a nursing home. Dad gave me his old room. The first thing I discovered was that dad had written spiteful words all over the walls. Some of the words were suicidal words.

He then told me that he was dipolar. I've never seen father in a bipolar episode. I've known his mood changed with the tip of a hat. But, dad tried his best to protect me from his rage.

I was eleven was when I first lost contact with reality. I saw blood dripping from my bedroom walls. I heard maniacal laughing. I was so scared but I never told anyone.

I read the journal entry. That was my first journal entry. My therapist read that and asked me those typical questions of how I felt and all those stupid things.

She asked me about my imaginary friends. I could never recall anything about them except for one. That one was the only one I still talked to.

She was always wearing white dresses. Her blonde hair was always perfectly styled. Her name was Faith M. I never knew her last name only that it was M.

Last year Faith and I had a falling out. She told me I was always studying. That I was no fun anymore. After that I stopped seeing her. I would sometimes find myself drawing pictures of Faith.

William had left an hour ago. He went to hang out with Colton. I decided to reminisce. I read through my journal that I've been keeping for about three and a half years. Some of them focused on my hallucinations. Some focused on my mom. And the ones I never reread where about my insecurities.

I flipped the page to read the next entry.

I hate myself. Why do I see these stupid things. I fucking hate it. And that damned fairy is so fucking annoying. Why do I see these stupid things...

I flipped the page quickly. I knew that this entry depicted some very graphic thing. I didn't need that right now. The next entry was about Faith. There was a picture I drew of her stuck in.

I unfolded the picture and looked at the fading pencil lines. I had spent two weeks on that picture. It was one of my better drawings.

There were words written on it. "I'm sorry" it said.

I put the picture away and continued reading my journal. I skipped over they darker entries. I could tell those apart because the handwriting was messy. Then I opened to the last entry I've written.

I've been doing better at handling my hallucinations. But, one person always distorts my reality so much. William Fane. Recently he kissed me on a dare.

William was black out drunk. He probably doesn't even remember it.

William is the only one who makes me this confused. I can't tell truth from fantasy with him. I feel like the party wasn't real. Like I just imagined it. Did I?

That was all. It was the morning after the party that I wrote it. I showed it to my therapist at the last session. She told me that some people will make everything hard for me. Mostly people who I was attracted to.

A/N~ Thank you for reading this short chapter. This was easier to write surprisingly. It shows how Sadie feels. Well that's all I got so...

Adios amigos 🐼