Life is Life

Naive

It was the tense air that made me uncomfortable in my favorite place. As much as we don't come around here I still love it, but why are we so far from the normal laughter and smiles.

I think back to the car ride here, the car was running awful I'm surprised we even made it here. It's definitely broke and we could be asking for my grandmas car which is a good reason to be angry, mostly dissatisfied.

Though I'm not going to lie, this seems more serious my parents have been more tense. They know that I can tell.
My grandma always greets me with a smile but it was forced today, what is going on? Why am I not in on everything? I'm old enough right.

"Naruto, sit down" my mother sternly told me not the first I've heard that voice but definitely haven't heard it in a while.

I sat down and watched as my grandma gave me a sad look, pity? My mom and dad looked absolutely defeated and I smiled back at my grandma despite the awkward silence.

"We have bad news" my mom said my dad couldn't look up. "We're losing the house"

It seems like such a weird thing to say, how? Why? So many questions but I already know the answers, we have no money.

It's that feeling, the stomach dropping, eyes stinging, it's the fear you never knew you had. But at the same time it never strayed too far from your head. But even so, hearing it that's the hard part. Almost as if you were expecting something to happen, you tell yourself you're not getting your hopes up but you do. And you get wrecked, that's life, life is life and we will never know how to navigate through it. It's a mystery and sometimes, what makes it so intriguing is that no one knows the answer, we're not supposed to.

I looked at my mom and dad, how pathetic and pitiful to be going through this, how absolutely embarrassing to have your kid look at you like this. What's going through your head parents? Sad, Did you disappointed me or yourself? Or better yet the real answer, are you embarrassed other people will find out. Absolutely pathetic, am I mean? Maybe am I proud of my parents? I'll tell you right now, I won't be until they're gone because just like any other human being. We don't care about everything they do for us until they're dead.

It doesn't matter right now, that my mom works multiple low paying jobs just to get dinner for that night, doesn't matter that my dad works on his days off because he needs to make money for his family. Doesn't matter that they raised us from nothing, loved us at are lowest and always stand by us for no reason. It won't matter that they give you their last 20 dollars so you can buy a school shirt so you fit in, they give you their food so you won't be hungry. It's completely fine for me to hate my parents for giving me everything, until the day they die, then I can say how much I loved them, I can remember how much they did for me. I can remember how awful I was and I can hate myself.

Or maybe, I'll do what I know is right. Appreciate them, that I have them. That I know they cant give me everything, I know they hate this just as much as me. I know they never dreamt they would have this kind of life, I know that and it's also motivation. I love my mom and dad with everything I am, it's a good example I get to see here. I won't be them, I will better. I just like my parents at a time like this, will learn from their mistakes and take it to heart. I'm strong I can do that, I can do anything I want. I am who I am and in this mysterious life, I will conquer. This life I've been given, I will be a better me, I will make it a better life.

"We lost our house?" I whispered, it just seems so unfair, and yet fair at the same time.

"Do we live here now?" Don't get me wrong my grandma is a doctor and my grandpa wrote best selling novels, this was a large house not as big Sasuke's but it had three rooms upstairs and two bathrooms in the whole house. That's what I call an awesome house, my house is going to be like this.

I looked at my grandma and smiled, I mean yeah I feel like I could probably cry right now, leaving the only house I've ever known by force. The house wasn't great but it was ours and it was special.

She sighed and got up, "You better start packing, you can take the truck and have the upstairs, this house is your house. Welcome back." Grandma didn't sound completely angry, I think she'll like the company though we can make the third room a small living room, she'll like us here. I can tell.

I looked at the tears flowing down my moms face, she looked so defeated and my dad wasn't much better. I got up and hugged both of them.
"It won't be that bad, I promise" I smiled at my mom she nodded and looked at my father, I walked outside the door and walked around the yard.

I learned so many things at this house, my grandparents bought me my first bike and I learned how to ride it here. I used to play in these bushes that blocked the neighbors view of the house, I played on the old run down swing set in the backyard. I loved the dinner we would eat here, but most importantly I loved the stories I would hear at this house. The love stories, sad stories, happy stories, funny, angry, everything was always told at this house.

And when the night was over, I went home and slept in my bed. I can't do that anymore can I? Sure I can sleep in my own bed, but this is my new home.

I didn't think this would ever happen to me in my life, losing my home because we cant afford it. I wonder how many other people this has happened to? I wonder how many people get made fun of at school because of this. What do people think when they hear it in the halls? 'Did you hear that kid moved because the bank took his house?' If you heard that in the hall, you trying to be a different person, you trying to fit in, act like you have everything they do. But you're not the same, we're not the same. Your parents have money, you have heat and a washer and dryer. You have all these things so when you hear about it in the hall, what do you think?

Well. I know what I think, I know because this has happened to me. I've heard the conversations, I remember looking at the kid, his clothes dark probably dirty, his hair you can't see it he's wearing a hat, shoes? Old Nike's that have holes and are clearly worn out. What did I think in that moment? Do you want to know? I thought, yeah makes sense do you see how he acts? What he wears? He's probably stupid, he probably acts out for attention.

How. Why? How do I get the right to even think those things? Why do I get to think I'm something better? Because I know the truth, I'm not. It's not his fault, it's not anyone's fault, things just happen. Why are we so quick to judge? Why can't we be better? Why can't I be better?

I am crying, and now that I think about. That kid probably was too. But what's the point in crying? Maybe for now, but it won't change anything. I will smile and laugh, whenever I want because no one can tell me not to. Who's gonna tell me to stop smiling? Who says I'll listen anyway?

I will tell you how I feel, I hate my parents right now. But later when I calm down I'll love them just like I always do, I appreciate my mom and dad. I wish I could always think this way, I know I wont until I'm older. Older means wiser and right now, I am just too naive I know this. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will sadly find another reason to hate my life. Only making my parents feel worse, though it never is my intention.