Life is Life

Alone

I found myself in Sasukes bed laying down, the time was 1:16 in the morning it was the day of the trial. This is a big deal and I'm nervous, Sasuke asked me to stay the night because he wanted me to be at the trial with him.

He wanted me to sit in the room, in a seat next his brother. He wanted me to listen to him tell the story again, he wanted me to look at the person that raped him. He wanted me to do that, and I couldn't deny him. I don't want to be there but I want to support him no matter what.

So I'll go, despite every muscle in my body telling me not. I don't want to see that man.

I'll listen to the questions I'll listen to the words fly out peoples mouths, in silence. I'll sit back and hear them ask him questions, accuse him of things, I will do nothing but sit there and suffer just like him.

I stared at the dark ceiling I can't see anything, not a single light not even from the moon. Sasuke always has his curtains shut now. He always makes sure his door is locked before he goes to bed. He always says goodnight to everyone that's in the house before he goes to bed.

We did not have sex, I'm too scared to do anything but hug him. I don't know when he'll be ready I don't know if he ever will. I haven't kissed him, he gave me a small peck on the lips in school the other day but I don't think that counts. It was just his lips hovering barley touching mine but I loved it. I won't push him.

I should be sleeping but I can't. I want to, but something is keeping me awake. Maybe it's the soft breathing coming from Sasuke, maybes this is myself telling me to look at what I have, who I have. This human next to me who sleeps so soundly.

My head snapped over to Sasuke when I heard a small whimper come from him, my heart squeezed. I couldn't see him, but I could feel him moving slightly I could hear his breathing becoming heavier. Was he having a nightmare?

I brought my hand up cautiously and put it on his forehead he stopped moving for a second, he was covered in sweat. "No..." Sasuke cried in his sleep, it was so small so weak. You would never hear it if you were standing across the room. But I heard it.

"Sasuke" I whispered and shook him gently nothing. He didn't do anything. I touched his face his cheeks were wet, he is crying. He's crying in his sleep.

Sasukes leg suddenly kicked my leg. He started trashing in his sleep clawing the air and kicking his legs. "No!" Sasuke yelled. The hairs on my arm stood up and tears threatened to spill. I've never heard him sound so weak, so desperate. He didn't sound like him.

"Sasuke" I shook him more violently still nothing he was crying harder, he was starting to hyperventilate. "Sasuke!" I yelled hitting his stomach. I felt bad when my hand hit his stomach it was hard I heard the slap.

Sasuke sat up and blinked, he put his around his stomach and tried to calm himself down I moved closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder, he shook it off.

"Are you okay Sasuke?" I whispered.

Sasuke wiped his face and sniffed, he slowly nodded his head and leaned over. Light, Sasuke turned the bed side lamp on he sat back up and looked at me. I gave him a smile but his worried eyes made me frown.

"Lets talk" I said, I sat on my knees and face him on the bed. He looked tired but I knew if I didn't try to talk to him I wouldn't be able to sleep. Maybe he needs to get this off his chest anyway, I just don't think he'll talk.

Sasuke shook his head and laid back down, he turned on his side away from me. I sighed, "I'll talk to myself then"

I took a deep breath and stared at Sasukes back. "One time when I was eight I found a lost dog and brought him home, my mom found out and took him to the shelter. I like to think he found a new home." I really did like to think he found a home, but I knew they most likely put him to sleep he was an old dog.

I never saw it again.

Sasukes breathing wasn't calming or in sync, it was different and heavy he still wasn't sleeping.

"I got my first bike when I was six, I didn't want to ride it though. I was scared, but Deidara forced me onto it by pulling me by my hair to it. I fell as soon as I got on it but I didn't care that my knee was scratched I got back on it, again and again. I rode it until I was too old for the bike and got a new one." I remember going with my dad and watching him throw it in the dumpster, I waved to the dump as we pulled out. It was a green bike with small black flames.

I never saw another one like it.

"Why can't you sleep" I asked. Sasuke stopped moving, he slowly flipped around and faced me he was still laying on his side.

"I'm scared" Sasuke whispered, I nodded my head and put my hands together letting them fall on to my lap.

"Me too" I smiled at me "But you're strong. You're stronger then this trial, you're stronger then the one who hurt you. You're Sasuke Uchiha."

"I don't feel like Sasuke Uchiha" he muttered closing his eyes.

"That's because you're working on becoming a new Sasuke Uchiha, You won't know who you are until you've found yourself"

"I don't even know where to look. I can't get out of my head" Sasuke sat up and wiped his eyes. I could see them filling up with tears, I could see his cheeks flushing slightly.

"I think you do."

"Are you looking for yourself?" Sasuke asked. I've never heard him sound so hopeful and broken at the same time. I can't imagine having this conversation with anyone else.

"I always am" I whispered back feeling the small pain in my chest. My heart hurts, every time I look at him.

"What if....I need to look...alone?" Sasuke croaked, the tears falling. The pain in my chest growing more. It was hammering against me it was hammering a nail of truth in my heart and that's what hurt the most. That it was the truth and I knew it, he needs time. Alone.

"Then" I smiled at him "We will create who we want to be. Alone" I gave Sasuke a shaky smile and let the tears fall down my face.

Sasuke nodded his head and said nothing else. I laid on my back and turned to my side away from Sasuke.

So he wouldn't have to see the tears flood out of me, so he wouldn't have to see me bite my shirt collar to keep the sobs down. So he wouldn't have to see me shut my eyes when the pain of keeping it all in starts to hurt my throat.

I heard a click and the lights were off.