Life is Life

Mistake

I walked into the school excited and scared, Sasuke hasn't answered any of my texts or my calls I figured he was busy but still. I thought he would be more excited to see me.

I walked into the cafeteria and walked over to my table Sasuke wasn't here yet which is weird. "Shikamaru!" I shouted and hugged him. I talked to Shikamaru last night and this morning, he didn't think I would be back so late but neither did I. He said Kiba is still not talking to anyone at the table just Suigetsu who sometimes sits with them, sometimes doesn't.

I turned my head into the direction of the doors, Sasuke! I smiled and got up, I didn't bother to leave my backpack I just kept it on and walked over to him. He looks....Tired.

"Sasuke" I smiled at him, he looked away and frowned. Oh. This isn't a feeling I like. The bell rang everyone started to walk out and go to their classes. Why was he so late? I pulled Sasuke out to my locker and looked at him he turned away again. What's wrong with him he looks awful and is ignoring me. I don't like this.

He hasn't answered my texts since I got back and I was really looking forward to seeing him.

"Sasuke? What's the matter" he looked at the empty hall I stood there I'm more confused then anything. I have a bad feeling. I don't like bad feelings, I have anxiety my mind is drifting off into the worst case scenarios and now I'm scared.

Sasuke took a deep breath and talked. His eyes shining with unwanted tears. "You weren't home and, and I didn't know what to do." Sasuke put his hand in his hair and yanked at it causing it to go in multiple directions.

"I went to a party, I didn't know who was going to be there or anything. I missed you. A lot. I got drunk. Black out drunk and. One thing led to another"

I shook my hand back and forth this is what I was afraid of! He knew that! I knew when I looked at him that he was hiding something. He felt guilty and that can only be a few things. But I wanted to think, he would never do that. But he did.
Tears fell from my eyes, the hallway is so quiet and I just wanna scream! I want to punch him. Right in the face. Just watch him bleed and feel pain.

"What did you do?" I whispered. Sasuke shook his head back and forth tears escaping from his eyes and falling.
"Sasuke" my voice cracked "what did you do...?"

"I slept with him, I was so drunk I barley remember it but I did" he finally got the words out. His face was red his eyes were red from crying and the tears weren't stopping.

"What did you do.....Why would you. I don't understand why you" I can't even finish my sentences I don't know what to say. Him he said him, but we both know who him is.

"No! You asshole! You didn't" I shook my head back and forth. Why did I let myself do this? Why did I put myself through this!? Why would he do that he said that he wouldn't and, and he said all of these things. He said so many things! And I loved it, I wanted it. I couldn't escape him he was my light and I needed to see the light so bad! I needed him!

"Neji?" I croaked my voice was gone it was cracking and I was crying too much to handle this.

Sasuke nodded his head and looked to the ground, he's absolutely tortured. He hates himself, he won't even look me in the eyes. He looked skinnier too. Has he been eating or sleeping.

No why am I worrying about him right now! He cheated on me!

I stepped back and back until I turned around and walked. I just kept walking, out of the building and out of the parking lot. I left the school and I walked.

I gave him my heart and he shattered it. Why would he do that. We were so good. He took the color from my eyes. He took me and crushed me. I'm more broken than before.

I have no one to talk to, I had Kiba but not anymore! I can't tell my mom or dad because they didn't know. My grandma is the last person I would ever talk about this with. I just don't have anyone. I have Shikamaru, that's it. That's it.

But I don't even really want to talk. Why does this whole thing feel like it's my fault?

I don't want to be the one who goes back to the one who cheated on me. I know he was drunk I know he didn't mean it and I know people make mistakes and I have to love him more than the mistake. But, it's just so hard.

And I just don't think I can forgive him, or go back to him. Ever again.

There is one thing that came out of this, I got to experience a emotion this raw and powerful, heartbreak at its finest. I am alive but I've never felt worse. I wish I never even started dating him. I wish I never had that project. I wish I could've hated him back then I wish I could hate him now. I wish I wasn't me, why do I do this to myself? I hate him. I hate myself.

But even now me walking away from him, I never said those final words to make it real I never said we were done and as of right now. I don't know when I will.