[Book two in the Bored series]
When two old flames suddenly see each other again, will old feelings reappear, will one of them fall apart, or will both of them fall together?
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"Can we talk?" She asks. I look up to see her bright blue eyes staring at me. I nod, my heart beating a million miles an hour.
She sits across from me, I don't bother to look up, I can't look up. I can feel my heart breaking in my chest, crumbling to pieces.
"Ember" she speaks. I don't look up, afraid of the sight I might see if I do.
"Please- just look at me" she asks. Her voice cracks, by now I know she's crying. I know she is, and I don't want to look up, but I do anyways.
"I don't want to talk to you. I don't know why you're here" I say. She shrugs.
"I just wanted to see you I guess, see how you're doing"
"You wanna see how I'm doing two years after you did what you did?" I ask. She wipes a tear that escapes from her eye.
"I told you I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do" she says. Her eyes plead for me to forgive her, I can tell. I can't though, after what she did I can't.
"I know you're sorry. You messed up though. You left me to pieces and I can't except your apology. You can't say anything that will change what you did" I say.
"You did what you did for a good reason and Billie I understand that, but the outcome wasn't good" I confess. "You broke me billie, I don't really think you understand what you did to me"
"Then explain it I want to understand" she says. "I didn't mean to do what I did, and I want to understand what I did to you. Even though I can't say nothing that will make it better." She says.
"No matter what I say you won't be able to understand Billie. You weren't there, you weren't feeling what I felt. So nothing I say will make you understand" I say. She nods her head.
"I loved you so much, I never lied when I said that. I did that because I couldn't see you hurt, I was going to be gone for four more months, and even then I would have barley been home, I couldn't watch someone I love break right in front of me."
"I wasn't breaking in front of you, we weren't breaking in front of each other" I say. My voice sounds so weak, I swore I would try to keep it together but right now I'm not.
I understand why she did it, now that she's sitting in front of me. Explaining it, I understand. I can't be near her though it's too much.
"Thank you, for explaining it to me." I let out. She nods her head.
"I can't be friends with you though, and it's not because I hate you. It's because I can't be near you without feeling like I'm suffocating" I confess. She nods her head.
"Wait-please" she says, nodding her head.
"No billie-" I snap.
I get up to get out my seat. I take my bag and sling it over my shoulder. She looks at me, her eyes trailing over my face. Looking right into my soul.
"Can we just be friends?...." she cries. My heart breaks, tears glide down my cheek and suddenly it feels like all of gravity is trying to smash my ribs in.
"It's too late for that bil...you made your decision" I say. She nods her eyes red and puffy.
-
Things weren't always good between me and Billie, there were days we didn't talk to each other because of fights. Days we screamed at each other at the top of our lungs.
Billie was always gone, and I just wanted her. Not in a sexual way either. Some nights I just wanted her to be there to hold me.
Billie left four months after we got together nearly two of the months we weren't together because of Alena, and the rest of those months I had to testify at Alena's trial and it was a lot of stress.
So really during mine and billies whole relationship we barely got to see each other. When we did one of us was yelling, sometimes Billie would just stay away from me for no reason, or she would be gone for a day or so. I never understood why. I would do that too, I'm not going to make Billie seem like the bad guy.
I just wanted to love her.
It's not a lie that I miss Billie, I do in fact. I feel like I'll always miss her, it's inevitable. She was an important part of my life, and I'll always thank her for showing me what love is.
It's been almost two years, and now I think I should be able to move on. I think I deserve to be happy, and right now violet makes me happy, she's sweet, she listens to me and she's just a great person.
So I think for this, this is the end of me and Billie.
