Chapter 7 ☹︎

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-swear words ahead- just a warning.

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She said that to me as if that's the last time she's going to talk to Me, which I'm reality right now. It is, I've tried to text her through dm because I had realized she unblocked me, but no answer.

I've stop texting her since then. She needs her space, and it doesn't matter if it takes year. If she's ready to talk I will be.

But right now, I don't think she wants anything to fucking do with me, not now not ever.

Now that I think about it, me and her were barley around each other. When we were I was trying to stay away from her, because I knew soon enough we wouldn't be able to see each other.

The way she looked at me was so fucking different, it's like she didn't even fucking know me.

I scrolled through my instagram, being honest I didn't feel like posting shit today. I scrolled through peoples pictures, not really paying attention. Until someone's username caught my eye. It was posted over 6 hours ago, and I'm just seeing it now.

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💬 @Embercole : happy birthday Vi 💜 here's this semi awkward video I got from niayla. Lmao don't be mad at her plz.

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My mind instantly went to different places. Who could this be? She's pretty, super fucking pretty.

I faintly remember her walking out the cafe when I was walking in, she looked at me and smiled. No words were exchanged. Is this someone that she's with? Could she be seeing this, bitch.

Instantly I don't like her, and I know it's stupid for me not to like her because she's with ember because she's probably a nice person, but do I fucking care? No.

Sure I'm not going to go out my way and be a cunt to her, but I just now don't like her.

Thing is, she seems like she makes ember happy. She looked happy until I made her fucking cry like the dumbass I am.

She seems like a good person, someone who would possibly be good for ember. Sooner or later me and her really are never going to be talking to each other, it's blatantly obvious. So I should just let her be with someone who really cares for her right?

Nope.

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"Are you okay?" Violet asks me. I look up, her turquoise eyes looking into mine. I nod my head, Letting out a deep sigh.

"Yeah it's just, I don't know..the moods are coming back" I say. She nods her head, her hand slides into mine. Calming me down somewhat.

"Manic or depressive?" She asks. I sigh again, running my free hand through my hair.

"Manic, I literally have slept more then three hours in the last two almost three days" I let out.

Ever since the incident My moods have been way out of control. Sure I had minor bipolar symptoms, like sometimes I would just sleep in for a few days, and maybe for the next two I would barley sleep. Now it's way worse.

It's been switching between me not being able to sleep at all for weeks, and I do a million things at once. Or I sleep for weeks at a time and I have no motivation for anything.

The trauma had caused my symptoms to come out more, which is bullshit. What if I wouldn't have even gone on that stupid ass date? What would have happened then.

Would I not be a mess right now? I don't know how to handle all of this.

"Maybe you should talk to your doctor about putting you on medication..maybe antidepressants.." she says trailing off. I shake my head, brushing her suggestion off.

"No, I've been on that medication before it makes me feel like I'm a walking zombie...I can't live like that" I reply. She nods her head looking at me longingly.

"I'm sorry- I just...god I'm sorry I'm just dumping all my problems on you you shouldn't have to deal with me" I say. She shakes her head almost violently.

"No no- it's fine really, I'm here to help" she says.

"Only because you're my therapist" I remark jokingly. She cracks a bit of a smile, but then a serious look crossed her face.

"I'm here for you because I want to be here for you, it isn't my job to 'deal with' you ember you can talk to me, and not just because I'm a therapist ." She says smiling.

I admire the gesture, and yeah I haven't slept I days. The situation about Billie has gone me all types of messed up, to other people it may not seem like a big deal. Yeah I knew her intentions, I knew what she was trying to protect me from.

But at that time, I needed her. My whole family had just been gone within a split second, on top of my girlfriend. All in the span of a day. I sounded happy when I was on the phone, but at the time, I was just trying to get my mind off what had happened.

I'm just needed her, and I know she didn't know. I'm not mad at her for that reason, I just. I just know I can't be around someone i loved knowing that I can't breath whenever I'm around them.

It's just not good for me. She probably thinks I hate her but truth is, for her I could never hate her. To see her cry in front of me like that broke my heart.

I slid through my instagram, tapping on billies profile I could see she followed me. So I opened dm and texted her. Hoping that she would understand that I don't hate her, or dislike her.

Wherearetheavocados

I don't hate you Billie. I
Just wanted to let you know
That, for now I just need my
Space. Just so I can get
Myself together.
You didn't do nothing
It's just me right now.

I understand
I'll be here whenever
You're ready

I smiled at the text, my heart started to flutter. This is why I fell I love with Billie the first time.

I would say I'm starting to fall in love with her again.

But the love never left.

My Girl ☹︎ Billie eilishWhere stories live. Discover now