My Girl ☹︎ Billie eilish

chapter 20

                                                                                 song suggestion                                                                                                                                                        (broken- anson seabra)

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        it's a constant cycle. Get up, meet with my manager, recording studio sessions, paid promos, etc. Sometimes I want to have a break, from everything. It gets a little dark once in a while, my thoughts go deeper than temporary solutions.

       sometimes I think about how much the industry has changed me, dumbed me down per se. I rarely have time for things I love anymore, and if I do have time its either I'm sleeping or finding new vegan recipes for Billie, which I don't mind really at all.

      the last few weeks have been really rough, after what happened with the Billie and PTSD attack situation, I've been more on edge. plus on top of that, I've been days and nights writing, recording and preparing songs for future releases so I can have a break for at least a few weeks.

      I'm thankful though, I've never felt more supported. 98% of my supporters are really understanding when I take small breaks here and there. tomorrow is something different, I have a meeting with my designer to pick outfits for a photo shoot next week.

I find out what the photo shoot theme is tomorrow, along with trying out different outfits, and tailoring them.

Cus I'm a big bitch

Today one of my friends is coming over for a small photo shoot. A promo for a small company that personally I love. They tried to pay me a lot of money for a promotion, but I didn't want that, I've been wearing their stuff since before my debut. Every time I've had an issue which is barely ever, they've always Given me a full refund and have sent me a new set.

You Thought I was about to charge a small company for a promo when they've been nothing but nice to me.

I'm nervous though, nothing like this has really ever been posted on my page before. Nothing to revealing. I'm starting to get into modeling as well, which in all honestly I don't understand who would even want me to model for them but I don't really ask questions.

One of my good friends anise is coming over to shoot for me, I said I'd pay her but she insisted on me not doing so.

I hear a faint knock on the door, anise is like a little mouse, except she isn't little. She's 5'11 and lengthy as hell, and also very strikingly attractive which is why I continue to say that she should model. All she does is blush and tell me that industry isn't made for her.

I open the door and smile. She greets me with a hug and I push the door open to let her past me.

"Damn, you've done this place right I see" she remarks looking around. She sees a picture on the wall, one of a painting of a girl sitting on one side of a river, while a group of others sit on the other side.

"Ma's?" She questions. I look at her subtly before nodding my head. "Yeah" I let out.
Before anything else is said, she quickly takes out her camera.

"Shall we start?" She says smirking creepily.

"Okay weirdo" I joke. She looks at me and cackles. "I'm the weirdo?" She asks.

"Yeah, you just looked at me like a creepy producer on a porno set" I add. She rolls her eyes at me, and mouth pops as she turns away from me.

(Enter Shane Dawson comments)

"Okay Miss I bought a life supply worth of sour cream and onion Pringle's" she comments walking towards me, taking off her coat and setting it down on the arm of my couch swiftly.

her tall lengthy figure stands in front of me. Her short chocolate brow hair framing her deep brown eyes. you'd honestly be surprised that someone so sweet, looks so intimidating and cold. when I first met her, she was a 9 year old girl, wearing an olive green shirt, jeans and her dads over sized boots. she had made her way in front of my house, where I seen her trip over one of her fathers boots, ending up in her falling into a giant mud puddle, scraping her arm in the process.

I knew immediately that we would be friends. Instead of crying, she got up and laughed, calling to her dad and running towards him. looking and giving me a silent wave goodbye.

I never knew why she wanted to be friends with me. she was popular, all the boys wanted her, she was captain of the basketball team, was on the news for her athletic abilities all by the age of 14. well I was, how do I put it. a nobody.

we parted our ways in high school. freshman year, we just never really seen each other. once her dad passed away, everything went down hill. she stopped walking around with her basketball during the day, and started to walk with headphones in at night, even when it rained. she quit the basketball team, shaved her head and never came to school.

she took it hard. anyone could tell. her dad passed away of lung cancer, and liver cancer. He simply had stayed silent, because everyone was worried about her mom. which had breast cancer at the time. he didn't want to worry anyone with his issues.

she didn't get to say goodbye either. she was out of town when he passed away. from what her mom told me, one day he was in the hospital, the next he was gone. anise got into town 45 minutes after he passed away. she felt guilty.

that day, she showed up at my door. her hands bloody, her eyes swollen. she fell into me, throwing her soggy body around mine.

she mumbled something about him getting to say goodbye. when she finally spoke a little louder, she looked behind her to the open door, the rain splashed on the concrete violently.

"the rain." she sobbed. "he always told me, when he's gone, he'll always be here when it rains"

I got chills. it wasn't supposed to rain that night. I remember my dad watching the weather channel, the blond preppy woman said it would be clear skies for the next week.

there were no clouds, no warnings, no signs it was supposed to rain.

she was out every night when it rained. it didn't happen often, but when it did. you bet she was out there. her head tilted towards the sky, hands in pockets, feet parted. one night, she stood in front of my house, smiling. I walked out and smiled at her.

standing facing away from me, she turned and looked at me sweetly. "he would have loved you" she said.

still to this day it doesn't make sense to me.

he met me before, I had met him a million times.