"Yeah...I noticed that." he said.
Finally, I looked up at him and his expression unreadable. Confusion? Disbelief? Distrust? Hope? Halo halong emosyon at hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mas nangibabaw.
Inubos ko na yung laman ng baso ko.
"Im done." sabi ko. Hindi ko na kaya pang uminom pa baka kung ano pa ang masabi ko.
Napaisip ako kung pagsisihan ko ba ang mga sinabi ko kay Matthew ngayon. Siguro hindi. Mas mabuti ng mailabas ko kung anong nararamdaman ko. Sabi nga nila kapag mas pinipigilan mo mas mararamdaman mo lang.
Tumayo na kami ni Matthew. He pulled out his wallet, dropping some cash in the table. Nagulat ako ng biglang hinawakan ni Matt ang kamay ko at inalalayan ako palabas ng restaurant. It was early evening. Ginabi na kami ni Matt sa pagkwekwentuhan.
The drive back to condo was quick. Pero kahit ganoon hindi ako mapakali sa upuan ko. Matthew was too close and smelled way too tempting. At nahihiya pa din ako sa kanya dahil sa pag amin ko kanina. Kahit pa hindi ko naman sinabi lahat ng nararamdaman ko. At ang masakit pa doon ay wala akong nakuhang tugon mula sa kanya. Tahimik lang siya sa buong byahe namin.
What did I want him to say? Na gusto niya din ako? He never promised anything except for a night full of desire. And he already gave me that.
Hindi naman ako nage-expect ng kahit na ano. But having him say that he wanted me too would be nice.
I dont understand him. But I wanted to. There was nothing I wanted more than to understand every one of Matthew Mariano's secrets.
Andito na pala kami sa condo. Pumasok agad ako sa kwarto para magshower. Pagtapos kong magshower lumabas agad ako ng kwarto para sana maggoodnight kay Matthew at magpasalamat.
I was about to knocked at his door when a large, muscular arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me against in a masculine body.
"Dont go. Not yet." His voice bought shiver down in my body.
Binuhat niya ako at pumunta siya sa living room. Umupo siya sa couch. Nakapatong ako sa lap niya.
"What's wrong?" I asked him softly. Ramdam ko ang tensyon sa katawan.
"I need to hold you for a while. Please. You took twenty years of my life today, baby. Im going to end up old, bald and crazy if you keep having incident like this." sabi nito at mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang yakap niya sa akin. Parang bata na takot iwanan ng kanyang Ina. Napayakap na din ako sa kanya.
"Im sorry" I laid my head on his shoulders. Ayokong umasa pero nararadaman kong may halaga din ako kay Matt.
"Hindi ko kaya Kathy. Hindi ko kaya. I cant stand the thought of anyhing happening to you," he said in a full of pain voice.
He was afraid for my safety. And I couldnt help but be touched by it. May halaga din ako kay Matthew.
Capturing my hand, he drew it to his lips, dropping light, soft kisses to my palm.
"And that detective? Kung wala lang tayo sa police station. Sinapak ko na siya!"
"At bakit mo naman gagawin yun?"
"For Pete's sake, Kathy. The man was eye fvcking you right there in the station." His answer was harsh.
"Tinutulungan niya lang ako Matt---"
"He was imagining what it would feel like to fvck you!" he said in an angry tone.
"Im a guy. Maniwala ka sakin. Alam ko ang nasa isip niya. And I fvcking hated it. I dont like to share."
Gulp. Sinasabi niya bang pag aari niya ako....
"Hindi ko alam na sayo pala ako." Was I?
"You are now."
"At kailan pa nangyari yun?"
"Probably since the first moment I saw you. Definitely since the moment I touched you. And absolutely since last night." Mabilis niyang nahawakan ang batok ko at itinulak ang mukha ko papalapit sa kanya. Maiinit at maaalab na halik ang sumalubong sa akin.
Mabilis niya akong naihiga sa sofa, hindi niya inaalis ang labi niya sa akin. He kissed me until I couldnt breathe. Kaya napakapit ako sa matitigas na braso ni Matt.
I need him.
I love him.
Oo, aaminin kong sa maikling panahon na nakasama ko si Matt nahulog na ang loob ko sa kanya. At handa akong harapin ang lahat makasama lang siya.
My hips shifted against his groin. Naramdaman ko na ang matigas na bagay sa aking ibaba. Lalo pang uminit ang pakiramdam ko.
Lumayo ako sa pagkakayakap ni Matt. "I need you Matt... please take me. Make love to me..."
Ibinaon nito ang mukha sa aking leeg na para bang pagod na pagod.
"Bedroom."
"No. I want you to take me right here in the sofa." ayokong gumalaw. Ayokong itali niya na naman ako at piringan. Not this time.
Wrapping my legs around his waist, I bought my hands to his ass, pulling him agaisnt my needy bud.
"Fvck! Wag mong gawin yan Kathy! Hindi ako makapag isip." mas lalo ko pang nilapit ang sarili ko sa kanya.
"Dont wait. Please..."
"You know I cant." His voice was angry and frustrated.
