Mesmerizing

1: Myself

My eyes slightly began to open; I don't know what time it is, as if I care about time anymore. I could easily close my eyes and sleep again. I mastered the ability of sleeping for days, but it's not that I do want to wake up now, my bones hurt. They hurt from the amount of time I have been sleeping on this bed with no movement. I need to take some fresh air in. I need to at least survive.

I take my cell phone from under the pillow to take a look at the date and time as well since the curtains are all closed in my bedroom.

No missed calls.

No texts.

Nothing.

"November 30" I said as I missed my voice having no one to talk to of course except my parents.

"6:30 pm" I sighed.

I got out of bed and entered the bathroom to take a quick shower before I go out. The warm water helped the pain in my bones to ease a bit. But not the pain in my self.

I looked at the sight of the corpse in the mirror. "Who are you?" I uttered with a fake smile.

The question I ask a lot now whenever I get the chance to look at myself in the mirror. I put on black trousers with a black hoodie, pushed my feet in my black shoes. Since the night already visited I didn't bother to tie my hair -that I dried earlier- up, I put my cell phone in my pockets and took some money with me.

It's a weird habit of mine when I go wandering in the streets with no destination I go where my feet take me so I just take money with me in case anything happens to me. I locked my apartment and went out. Since I am used to living alone people in the neighborhood aren't used to seeing me a lot. I have no one to go out with.

I kept walking and walking and walking, it was getting colder but it's really fine with me that my body can at least feel the cold.

I was never like this, never. Back in high school I used to be very optimistic and dreamy. I used to say I will do this and that, but ever since I entered college until I finished it 2 years ago I fell in a hole, a deep one, of the uncertainty of who I really was or what I wanted to do. Slight of depression maybe. When I searched for a job, people won't let me, they didn't give me a chance to see my real abilities. Even though my parents are not very rich but they run a small company with their partners. When mother persuaded me to go stay with them, I left my only friend and flew; I thought maybe I would achieve something there. But I didn't.

When my parents used to take me to gatherings they held with their partners they would just sit listening to them bragging about their children and my parents would stay quite looking to me, they meant no harm I know but I felt defeat and couldn't take it anymore. So I left.They still send me money since I got no job.

I kept walking and it got darker until I reached another neighborhood far from mine. I walked a lot that I even didn't know where I was. My cell phone vibrated so I stopped and took it out. Dad was calling. I didn't want to answer so I switched it to silent mode and back to my pockets just before I continue walking someone bumped into me and my cell phone fell.

"I am very sorry" replied a voice that I know I have heard before.

"No problem" I sighed and knelt to bring it without looking at their faces.

"Did it break? I could pay to repair it; I could buy you a new one"

"We are very sorry, really he never looks where he is going" replied the companion voice which is familiar as well.

"It's really fine, it didn't break anyways." I said as I lifted myself up and looked at them both.

Rush of memories and adrenaline through my veins. Can someone be happy to see familiar faces from high school without even being close to them?