Mesmerizing

7: Trust

I don't know what to feel, or how to feel. It is like everything that make me sense was thrown away. Every moment every second I remember the load against the weak me hurts, breaks me into pieces and shreds my thoughts. I lost my appetite to live to dream, I hanged on hope for so long but I broke down suffocating with self hatred and weakness. Couldn't they just let me be? My parents love me I am sure of that fact, but they need to give me a chance to show them I could succeed on my own, that I can find my own path even if that means not taking theirs. Couldn't they just give me a chance?

Scattered

Along with my lost self my soul found a partner that suffers the same, less, or even more I can't be sure. He suffers, a lot but why it hurts seeing him like that? My heart clutches preventing my breath just by seeing him weak. I still don't get it, I let him in easily with no strains nor lines telling him about my state and him matching stories with mine. Perhaps do I see myself in him? Perhaps.

Holding on my arm looking in my eyes deeply with his body shaking looking afraid and lost.

"Don't leave me" he said holding on my arms tighter begging with all his might, even if someone had the audacity to leave him in such state, he won't let him, his tight grip though his shaking body won't allow it. It's like he channeled all his force to hold on me as if I was leaving him forever. Is he just hanging on any one to stay next to him? Or do I really mean something to him? Maybe because we share similarities. What do I have left to even offer Taehyung? I lost it all long ago. I have nothing but this time I have a string aching in my heart just by thinking of letters of his name. Kim Taehyung I want to help, it matters if I can lift you up away from this mess. I will be satisfied a bit with myself to help.

Am I doing this for this reason or something else?

I held his hand to make him move so we can follow Jungkook back to the office surprising not only him by my actions but also myself, I stopped caring about my actions anyways.

"Let's go" I said and he held on my hand tighter walking next to me like a child walking next to his parent feeling safe. I mean I am depressed and I suffer but looking at his state frightens me a lot. Will I reach it too one day?

We entered the meeting room again but hand in hand this time, sitting back on our chairs but he dragged his next to mine and said no word. The others were pretty observing us but no one said any word, they seem to know about it all, they seem to know his secrets well. Still holding on my hand that I didn't bother to take back, he slowly placed his arm on the table leaning his head onto it closing his eyes bit by bit until he slept. Just like that.

But the others were like waiting for this moment to grab the chance to ask about what happened, they exerted lots of effort to keep their questions for a while, like they knew he was going to fall asleep.

"Did something happen?" whispered Jin looking at me not to wake him up.

I nodded faintly and then yoongi spoke "Did he tell you anything Rena?"

"About his parents trying to force him to work with them and stuff"

"Just that"

I nodded again and he nodded too in response.

"He lost his nerves right? Did he shout or yell at you? If he did forgive him please he just panics and things are messed up for him-" I tilted my head confused cutting Jimin's words

"But h-he didn't" he was the total opposite he begged for help. He was so weak.

"He didn't?" namjoon looked at me pretty confused as well.

"When I entered Rena was just talking to him, I sensed zero tension" replied Jungkook looking at my hand locked with Taehyung's.

"That's really good maybe you should try to get each other's more since you calmed him" replied Hoseok

"Or maybe it isn't, listen Rena, Taehyung has a special personality and background that no one could easily understand so if you can't deal with him just try to be nice to him-" yoongi explained or to be more specific he tried to, his words let him down in letting me understand them.

"Get some rest hyung" replied Jimin "Let her"

I wondered what was going on in this room, from their worried faces and attitude to their words I understood nothing from. Namjoon went with Jin to buy food, Yoongi, Jungkook and Jimin were on their phones and I sat with Hoseok talking for that while.

"Would you really do what we asked for?" he asked with a smile to make sure I won't back off

"I would do it." I replied back

"Take all the time you need to, you don't have to rush yourself or anything plus you still have a cold" he replied patting my head

"I am better now Hoseok-ah, it wasn't a real cold to start with." I slightly smiled.

"So how are they? I mean the rest did you like them?"

"They are kind and nice as well" I continued. It has been so long since I talked to people. For a good while it was just Hoseok because I chose that and if I go back in time I would have done it again.

"I still feel guilty you know" he said then sighed

"Don't ever say that" I looked into his eyes, let's not talk in that now please.

Taehyung started to move gently opening his eyes announcing that he woke up, just about to lift his head for a muscle stretch.

"Rena"

"Wakey sunshine" smiled hoseok addressing Taehyung with a loud voice

"Did I sleep here? What time is it?" he said stretching his neck then his arms then his eyes widened completely looking at our hands, my hand felt stiff now for the amount of time that passed.

"About half an hour" replied Hoseok

"I am very sorry, does it hurt? I didn't notice until now Rena, I am very sorry, Hyung why didn't you do something?" he kept apologizing looking at Hoseok for help to make me accept his apology

"Putting the blame on me now" replied Hoseok with loud laughter.

"Let the excuses be, Hoseok hyung" replied Jungkook from across the room with a laughter as well

"It's alright Tae, it doesn't hurt me, are you alright now?" it felt warm actually in his embrace.

"Rena I am really sorry" he was a complete different person now, like a small pure kid, with no worries on his face at all it all escaped his face replacing itself with box smiles and heartwarming eyes along with laughter at Jungkook's word to tease him.

"I am good t-thanks to you." He smiled. Thanks to me? Because the words I addressed to him earlier? Maybe.

After a while Namjoon and Jin arrived and drove us home along with the food they bought that they preferred to eat at home. We ate the delicious noodles, I mean they ate it willingly and I was forced by Hoseok who shoved the food in my throat so I can be able to take my medicine. I was planning to leave tomorrow but since they did a lot to me, I thought of preparing something first, I learned some words spending those days with their company. They filled up my dictionary a bit. At least the meaning of the word 'Meaning' itself is being built up like wall.

I went to finally claim my sleep; I needed it a lot since the long day wasn't the type of my routine for a very long time. I threw my body on the bed thinking of nothing but of what happened all day, my eyes were fighting me to close and rest. It went well all day. Help was requested twice from me; and one of them is personal with a foggy background and unknown feelings and emotions. I drowned in my sleep.

Perhaps