Mesmerizing

13: Hope

Kindly listen to this beautiful cover while reading

Enjoy!

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"Come stand up" said Taehyung and held my hand pulling me out of the kitchen heading to my room. "You need to do some refreshment right?" he pushed me and made me stand facing my desk. "Sit down and study and I will prepare dinner for you since you are being a good girl so far"

I kept my blank expression on my face, but I never sit there anymore. Not since everything happened. Though I never liked looking at the darkest corner of my room, but I took a small glimpse not to try to force my memories back to that day. The day I left everything behind. My books were all over there, on the desk and under it. Piled up above each other. Maybe full of dust that I never bothered to put into consideration until this moment. This very challenging moment that is pushing me.

"Aki, come on we don't have enough time to waste." He pulled my hands again urging me to move but I resisted. "Rena" he tilted his head.

"W-Would you mind bringing them to me?" I find myself asking him and he followed my words. "The 2 big ones" I continued my words and looked away and he did bring them. He left my hands slowly.

"You sure don't want to come here it's all full of dust" why won't it be dusty when a piece of me was left there?

Broken

"Here you go aki, we should wipe them though"

"I am going to clean them, Thank you now go destroy the rest of the kitchen"

"I am not going to feed you if you keep mocking my skills like this" he lowered himself to look at me in the eyes.

He left the room and I searched for a piece of cloth to wipe the dust off the books after I sat on the bed, the edges of the paper turned yellow from how they were recklessly kept, the smooth soft silk touch of the paper is now gone as I turned the cover to take a look of what used to be inside. After a short while I closed it and sighed "that was long ago" I whispered to myself.

I went into the living room to fetch a pencil then I took the book and went into the kitchen. Grabbing a chair to sit with the book on the table.

Tae let a deep sigh escape "Perhaps you have something to tell" he said jumping to sit on the table next to me moving his legs back and forth as I always do.

"I cannot concentrate, it's too g-gloomy" I uttered

"That's easy we can open the curtains and let some air in your room what do you think?" he jumped again and was about to walk out of the kitchen when I stopped him

"I want to sit here" I said with my head falling down in defeat.

Not that I lost against a desk which sounds crazy. I lost against the memories that started to fill in one by one. The days when I had all the darkness accompanied still send my thoughts into deep misery and despair. Who am I? Why am I that lost? Or do I prefer to be lost? Maybe the answers are in front of me and I am hiding from it. Maybe I need some courage to confront myself. Maybe I should be easy on myself a little rather than the amount of torture I put on myself every night before I close my eyes and wake up on nightmares. No, not the nightmares again, not that memory. I don't want that. I thanked God that they stopped visiting every night.

Maybe that's it why don't I try that? Why don't I try to be easy in the way I judge myself? But where is the self that I should be easy on?

"What hurt you so bad that you don't want to even remember?" maybe the thing that made me open up to him in the first place was that he always asks the right questions. He seems to always figure out what's wrong easily.