Broken pieces

Part 2

Alice opened her eyes to a bright light and it made her close them again. Too bright for her. She slowly opened them again, giving them time to adjust to the brightness. She didn't recognize the place at first, but then realized that she was in a hospital. A place too familiar to her. She looked around the room and saw a guy sitting in a chair next to her bed, napping. It took her quite some time to crack who it was. It was Luke Hemmings. A light haired boy with blue eyes and a lip ring. His hair was up in a quiff that looked a bit flat. Probably due to napping in a hospital chair. She didn't understand why he was there. It wasn't like they ever hung out or even talked much. She only knew who he was, because Michael mentioned him a couple of times. "Michael..." The name burnt trough her brain like wild fire. Her eyes started watering again. He was gone. The love of her life was really gone. In the middle of the self destructive taught process, Luke suddenly woke up. He met Alice's watery eyes. He wasn't stupid so he didn't ask her why she was crying and she appreciated that. He understood that it had to be unbearably hard for her considering a guy she loved died. He knew that she was in a lot of pain, considering he was too and he didn't even talk to Michael for at least two years before he died.

"How are you feeling?"

The question sounded stupid to Alice. How was she feeling? Sad, broken, numb,..none of that even began to cover it.

"I don't mean mentally. I mean physically. Cause you passed out and all...?"

"Umm fine I guess. What are you doing here anyways?"

"I found you and I just wanted to make sure that you'll be okay."

"I'm fine."

Luke let out a small chuckle.

"What are you laughing about?"

Alice's voice was cold and mean. She didn't really like people seeing her being weak. And lying in a hospital bed was as weak as she could be. And then that douche bag laughed at her.

"Just at you saying you're fine. If you would be fine, something would be wrong with you."

"I thought you asked physically. Physically I'm fine."

"Still bullshit."

Alice rolled her eyes and laid back down, breaking the eye contact she had with Luke. What a nosy little prick.

"A thank you would be nice."

"Thank you. Now will you go?"

"You want me to leave?"

Alice shot him a look, but he ignored it and patiently waited for an actual answer, he never got. As much as Alice hated to admit it, not being alone felt nice. It wasn't the first time she was in a hospital. It wasn't even the second or the third. She was in hospitals more then out of them. And for a period of time, she wasn't in them at all. That was when Michael was there to help her. Now he was gone again, and the cycle started repeating. Her parents gave up on being with her in  a hospital after about the fifth time and after that, she was all alone. So Luke being here was, as much as she disliked his nosiness, actual calming.

"Did they tell you why I passed out?"

A small smile crossed Luke's face. She didn't want him to leave and that made him weirdly happy.

"Not directly. But I listed to them when they taught I was asleep. Apparently, you ate too little and your body lacked fuel."

That wasn't all he heard of course. He herd that she was in and out of hospitals a lot due to various reasons. One of them being, that she had an eating disorder. Other being that she was depressed and another, the one that scared Luke the most, that she was suicidal. The doctors said, that she was in the hospital because of suicide attempts three times before.

"Great."

The sarcastic tone cut trough Luke's thought cloud.

"Happened before?"

She looked at him.

"I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that."

Luke looked at her and she looked away.

"Can I just ask you why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"Why do I starve myself?"

Luke nodded and looked at Alice. She seemed fine talking about it. Like starving herself was the most normal thing in the world. Which, to her, it probably was.

"I don't know. It wasn't intentional this time. I just didn't feel like eating."

"And other times?"

She turned around to face him. Her look piercing trough his soul.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm fat. Other times it's a way to punish myself. Sometimes I just don't think I deserve food. Any other questions?"

She seemed so calm, talking about her eating disorder like it was nothing. And her voice was so cold, Luke actually got shivers.

"One more."

Alice rolled her eyes. Maybe it would be better if she was alone. At least she could think in peace and not be bothered by a guy she barely knew, asking her about her problems. But on the other hand, she really didn't want to be left alone with her thoughts right then. They were even deadlier then usual and they actually scared her.

"Why does it look like it doesn't even bother you talking about a serious problem like your eating disorder?"

Alice chuckled. A serious problem? More as the smallest problem she had. She turned her head to Luke who looked really confused by her response. She looked into his bright blue eyes.

"Serious problem? I am a suicidal person with self destructive thoughts who's boyfriend just died and you think a thing like an eating disorder will burden me the most? I can talk about it because anyone with eyes can notice it. I walk down a  street and at least one person looks at me like I am a ghost because I know very well how fucking horrible I look. I know that I am fucked up and so does everyone else. I can talk about it because I can't hide it."

"So if I asked you why are you suicidal?"

"I'd tell you to mind your own damn business!"

She basically screamed that so soon after a nurse rushed in the room.

"What's going on in here?"

She looked Luke and Alice and they both shook their heads.

"Nothing you need to worry about."

Alice's voice was so mean it shook the nurse.

"Well I'm gonna go tell the doctor that you are awake."

With that she left Luke and Alice alone in that room once again.

"You didn't have to be that mean you know? She only wants to help you."

"No she is paid to help me. What she wants is for me to get the hell better or to die already because I am actually giving her work to do."

"Your mind is a dark place if you think like that.."

"It's not called dark. It's called real."

"I'm pretty sure being a pessimist and having dark thoughts it's not called being real."

"It is. That's why everyone that sees the world for what it is ends up suicidal."

"Name one example."

"Kurt Cobain."

That shut Luke up. Alice was right about that. He did see the world like that and he did kill himself. Yet he wasn't going to let her win that fight.

"You can change the way you see the world you know? There is more then one truth and if the one you chose to see is killing you, change it."

He looked deep into her eyes as he said that and she stayed quiet. There was something about him and the way he talked that made her actually think about it for a second. But really just a split second. She knew what the world was like and that won't go away if she chose to see it differently.