Unwanted

9

We come to a stop at the stream Mikel took me to the first day we met. Blackfoot has a sorrowful look in his eyes. 

" You see the pink lilies there?"  Nodding my head. 

We walk over to the patch of  flowers that stand out among the hundreds of sunflowers. My breath catches. Dead center is a memorial plate. 

'Baby girl Blackfoot August 13,2002' Something to be said about seeing your own grave. In it or not I know someone's ashes are in the ground. 

" Ever since your brother was old enough to understand that he had a baby sister and what this place was, a place where I spent countless hours at when he was young.  He become the self appointed protector of this place, Your protector. I use to find him just talking to you about his day. When he was younger  he would want to sleep out here with you, claiming he wasn't born alone so he shouldn't leave you alone, he had to protect you from the things that go bump in the night. Now you're here and I think you have amped up his protective big brother side. "

Wow. Just wow. Taking a moment to take it all in, while looking at the place Blackfoot built for me. For the  daughter he thought died, the one where he was never even given the chance to see or even say goodbye to in person.  You can almost feel all the sad memories this place holds not just for Mikel but for Blackfoot too. Pain that my mother caused. She put the so called 'Love ' of her life through the pain of losing her and his baby, she abandon her son. One that she never let know her as a mother. 

That's not the woman I know so it begs the question just who the fuck was she? Was she the kind loving Shelly or a sick psychopath playing a game with the lives of the people she was suppose to love? 

I just don't know.

I do know one thing though Blackfoot doesn't deserve my hatred. No he deserves a fair chance at getting to know his daughter. I won't let the poison my mother  allowed to spread in me over the man I thought never wanted me.

" I'm sorry" taking a calming breath. " I'm sorry for judging you , for assuming the worst of you. I love Dale and he was a great dad. I never want or will forget him, but I don't want to make you feel as though you have lost your daughter all over again. Now I'm not saying I'll start calling you dad or anything but I would really like to give you the chance of being my father. That is if you want to."

Yes Kierra I  do want that. I really do" Blackfoot can't hide his emotions. 

" I'll talk to Mikel have him take it down a notch or two."

"Actually if you don't mind I feel like I need to handle this situation."

Walking back to the house in silence Blackfoot not trying to fill the silence and for that I am tankful for. I'm not big on conflict or emotional issues. 

Can't stand them actually.

  Running into my room to grab to  a towel and cloths, needing a showing before handling Mikel. I look at my phone and see 10 missed calls from Liam. I quickly send him a text that I'll call him later tonight.  We have been playing phone tag lately and I really need to make time for him. 

Showering and throwing on a tank and yoga pants. Letting my hair air dry, it's straight anyways which I can now say is thanks to my Indian heritage. Grabbing the photo albums and my oldest sketch book. 

Knocking on his door half hoping that he won't answer and half hoping he will. 

"Come in" 

Mikel's room is exactly what you expect a teenage boy's room to be. Messy. Disgusting really, At least his blue walls are better then my pink ones.