Unwanted

30

Thirty minutes into the our drive the silence becomes unbearable, turning on the radio for something to fill the void and what's playing? That's right you guessed it  'Highway to hell'.  Mikel and I both turn to look at each other and we can't help but burst into laughter.

" Seems fitting huh?" Mikel asks. 

" Very. What are the odds?" This is my chance to do what I said I need to. One foot in  front of the other. I need to move forward. I can't keep letting what happen effect every aspect of my life. 

"Mikel I want you to know that we need to move on from this. I don't want to hold onto this anger anymore. It's not good for me,you or anyone really. So if you're willing to move forward and put this behind us than so am I." 

" I want us to move forward to Kiki. You have no idea how badly, but we need to do this the right way. You might not want to talk about it but I do. I need to my wolf needs to. He feels how angry his sister wolf is at us. What the both of you need to understand is that I did this. Me not him. I ignored your cal.." 

Mikel pauses. His voice is shaky, his lips tremble slightly. 

" Cries for help. I was just so mad at you, ya know? Not just for the whole mate bull shit, but honestly  and don't take this the wrong way okay?" 

pulling the truck over to the side of the highway to give Mikel my full attention. I unbuckle me seat belt and turn to my brother giving him a firm nod of my head. 

" Mom. You got Mom. Don't get me wrong I love Dad and have had a awesome life so far. Dad made sure to tell me stories so I at least felt like I knew her. Then boom Dad gets a call and then the world I thought I knew was upside down. The worst part wasn't losing her all over, no it was the fact that she never told you about me. I felt unwanted Kierra. Then what you said to Lisa just gave me the excuse to finally let it out. I know it wasn't your fault I do, but fuck you have any idea what it's like to know Mom didn't want me? 

None of that makes it okay for me not coming for the first time you reached for me and my wolf was raging. He never gave up trying to break my skin. So I will take your hate or hits. I will take your wolf's rage but please NEVER blame him. He was and will always be on your side."

By the time Mikel is done we both have tears streaming down my face. I never even thought about Mikel's stance on all this. I was  so worried about me and my feelings.

selfish 

The  word floats inside my head and for once I agree with my beast on this.

" Mikel, I'm sorry. I've failed at being your   sister. Never once have I thought about what you might be feeling. I have been so wrapped up in what's been happening to me that I gave no room to worry about you or even how  Blackfoot has been feeling. For that I am truly sorry for.

 You should know I don't think mom picked between the two of us. Blackfoot said that her pack was awful to the breeders. Then she knew what being Gemini twins would mean for the two of us and maybe in her MOM way she was trying to protect the both of us. She made sure you grew up with a pack and she kept the daughter that she figured would only be a breeder safe from how she grew up. "

After are heart to heart we bull shitted our way through the stretch of highway singing. We all even sat  down as a somewhat normal family at a roadside dinner. 

Checking  into a tiny motel heading straight for my shower. My muscles groaning releasing the knots that all day driving has caused. Smiling to myself. I've made progress with Mikel, not fully healed yet but we will in time.

Our time is coming little one.

The voice in my head makes me drop the wash rag, creating a even bigger smile. Maybe that means by moving forward my beast will come back!