Unwanted

34

It's the break of dawn, but here I am standing deep in the Gemini's forest trying to connect to my wolf.  I made sure everyone was still asleep before venturing out to this peaceful place. Mikel was still passed out snoring hard. No doubt he hit the bottle hard last night.  Both uncle's were soundlessly sleeping. So I figured it's the best time for me to head out and see if the bitch was ready to stop playing hide and seek with me.

Maybe it's crazy but something uncle Dylan said last night stuck with me so hard that my eye's flew open even before the sun, and knowing what I am about to do made me want to seek out seclusion. 'Just incase I'm about to make a complete fool of myself' I don't really need nor want anyone to witness what could be most likely a epic fail.

" So I came out here so you and I could have some one on one time with you.  I know Blackfoot said that our wolf sides are just that. Wild animals, but I don't think that's true .You came out for the first time to save my life 'our' life during the car crash. You came forward again when I thought Alex was in danger from Grandpa's wolf." 

Letting out a shakey laugh that is probably one of the best memories I have since my world was lost in a single night. 

" When I was running from him you still came to the rescue. Even with silver flowing through your blood you came, you fought, you won. They only reason I am even able to stand here right now is because of you!  You are everything that I am not. Brave, strong, resilient.

That's why I wanted to come out here. I need to say thank you to you. If it wasn't for you  I wouldn't even be here right now. You have nothing to be ashamed about. if anything it was me that has failed you time and time again.

I cursed you for getting me out of the car. I blamed you for making me a freak amoung the freaks. Not that I think we are freaks anymore. Even now I am blaming you for not coming out. If you haven't noticed by now I'm kind of a damn new born when it comes to feelings. I didn't want to seem weak to anyone. All this shit is on me though not you. 

So if you're still healing and can't come out right now,  or you're just not ready yet I understand and respect it. I just want you to know that  things are going to be different this time.  You deserve the respect that all the other wolves get from their human sides. 

This is my hearts promise to you that when you return you will have a voice with me from now on. I will make sure the two of us are in complete and utter agreement on all parts of our lives."

wiping the tears from my face. That was one of they hardest things I have ever done in my life. Owning up to all my short comings isn't exactly what I was brought up to do, but the wolf needs to know that everything that has happen was in no way shape or form on her. It's all me. 

Just as I think that my skin shreds and is replaced with black fur. she gives me to time to recover before we race off deeper and deerper into the forest.

Best fucking thing ever!