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Chapter 10

AN- So, this was supposed to go up last night, unfortunately my internet went out, but I got it working today! The What If addition will be up tonight!

Lisa's POV

I don't know if I can do this anymore. The band would be much better off without me, so would my sisters. I know I'm a burden, that I don't help out with the house. Katherine doesn't make an extra plate anymore, and Dani doesn't even look at me. I don't think Amy has smiled at me or said anything nice for a month. They have given up on me. I don't blame them, I have given up on me too.

I cut daily now, it takes a couple cuts for me to feel anything. I wear long-sleeved shirts, it's winter, so no one really notices. Christmas is coming up. Usually I would be planning a party with my friends, or Christmas shopping for my family. I already have their presents though. I am going through my stuff and choosing what goes to who, and I am going to write them all letters. Their main Christmas present will be the lack of me bothering them anymore.

I am giving Lauren and Dani my clothes, Katherine and Amy my journals, Christina my pictures, and my brothers get my money split up between them. I am also giving Lauren my old stuffed animals. She will like those I think. I already have a piece of paper specifying all of these things. I also put that I want to be cremated. I am leaving some money to pay for that as well.

All of my jewelry is being split up between my sisters, and my makeup is just going to be for whoever wants it. Now I just need to write my letters, I have decided that it should be in two days. It'll be about 2 weeks before Christmas, plenty of time for them to get over me...
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Dear Christina,

I am sorry that I didn't do what I was supposed to do around the house. I'm sorry that I didn't try hard enough when recording. I'm sorry for pushing you away, even if it was for your own good. I don't want to be a burden anymore, you guys will be better off without me. By the time you read this, I'll be gone. Included in this box is my funeral plans, and money to cover it. Take care of this stuff please. Those pictures are special. Can you tell my old friends I'm sorry? I didn't mean to be so rude to them...

Anyways, goodbye. I hope you have a good life, and marry Nick already, you've been together for a long time!

Love,
Lisa
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AN- Rest of letters will be up by Wednesday!